Hints
by Shire.Conspire
Summary: SatoxRisa. NO LONGER A ONESHOT. Two partners working together in the library. Pretty little Risa Harada writing her notes. Cool, quiet Satoshi Hiwatari reading his books. Sometimes we can all miss the little hints.
1. Chapter 1

**HINTS**

Risa dropped her school bag on the chair next to her and leaned on the table. She glanced around. There were probably seven other people within the entire library.

"Hello, Literature partner. So our project is supposed to be about--,"

"Innuendo. Indication. Hints and foreshadowing in cultural works."

"Yeah. We're studying McKinley, right?"

Satoshi nodded lazily, sitting back in his chair. "Right."

She tilted her head. "You know all this already, don't you?"

He shrugged.

She sighed. "Lucky me then, to have been partnered with you."

But she didn't sound like she was lucky.

--------

"Do you have to eat while we're working?"

"It's morning and you wanted us to come here early. I missed eating breakfast with Riku. I'm hungry." She tore off a piece of her criossant and shrugged good-naturedly at him. Satoshi brushed crumbs off of his notebook.

"Harada-san--,"

"You don't have to call me that."

He looked up and stared at her. "Call you what?"

"Harada-san. We've been friends for a while now, you _can_ call me by my first name."

He held his gaze for a moment longer before bending back down to write avidly in his notebook. "Right."

Risa watched him work, his hand gliding smoothly over the paper and the words he wrote down coming out in smooth, legible strokes. "So...I can call you by your first name, right?"

He didn't answer.

"Satoshi-kun?"

His shoulders tensed. Risa smiled and tore off another bit of pastry.

"Satoshi-kun."

When he spoke she noted that he sounded annoyed. "Harada-san, please. I'm trying to--,"

"Satoshi-kun!"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Risa laughed.

--------

He sat back and waited while Risa read his notes.

"Are you done yet?" He reached out to pull them back towards his side of the table.

"No."

"Harada-san--,"

"Risa-chan..."

"Harada-san, I need those for the essay section." He reached out for them.

"Satoshi-kun, wait!" She grabbed his wrist and held on, her eyes still scanning the pages. "I'm not done!" She was laughing to herself.

He tried to pull out of her grasp.

"Will you let me go?"

"No."

"I won't take them back."

"I don't trust you."

He sighed audibly.

--------

Takeshi sauntered up to their table, books in one hand and a very suggestive expression on his face. Satoshi was reading a book and Risa was taking notes from another.

"Well, well, well, in the library again, I see. You two have been here every day for nearly a week."

Risa pulled a new sheet of paper towards her. "Go away, Saehara-bozu."

He grinned, looking between them. "So, are you guys dating or something?"

Satoshi turned a page. "Go away, Saehara-san."

--------

"So, McKinley liked how opposites attract, right?"

"Yes."

"And she used it in her writings suggestively? Like, opposing innuendos?"

"Yes."

"Like good and evil."

"Yes."

"Like you and Daisuke-kun?"

"What?"

"Like Dark and Krad?" He looked at her. She smiled brightly at him, wrinkling her nose. "It was just a joke."

He was silent for a moment before shrugging it off and nodding. "Like Dark and Krad, Harada-san."

"Risa-chan!"

--------

He pulled off his drenched raincoat and threw it over the back of his chair, letting the water puddle on the floor beneath. He took off his glasses and cleaned them on his shirt, sitting down. Risa watched him all the while from across the table.

"Why are you wet?" she asked.

He stopped cleaning his glasses to look up at her. "What?"

"Why are you wet?"

He continued staring. "Harada-san, it's raining."

It was. Huge droplets of water were bashing against the paneled windows. Hardly anyone was in the library today.

Risa's eyes widened. "Don't tell me you walked here."

"Okay then, I won't. Did you bring back my notes?"

She gaped at him. "Satoshi-kun! Why didn't you just cancel if you couldn't get a ride?"

"I can walk. It's just rain."

The wind howled through the cracks in the door and rainwater began to leak into the library. Outside stray tree branches were bowing to the small storm.

"The rain wasn't this bad when I called you, but when it got worse you could have just cancelled."

"I didn't have to cancel."

"You also didn't have to walk."

"Did you bring my notes?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you have to cancel? The projects not that important to have to come here on a Saturday afternoon."

"Can you hand me that notebook?"

Risa slid it over and Satoshi took it wordlessly, opening it and immediately jotting down notes. Risa waited for his answer, but it never came. Instead he glanced up at her momentarily before looking back down as if he hadn't looked at all.

Risa saw this and blushed.

--------

"Answer the question."

"It's not school related."

"We're not even in school. Answer the question."

"No."

"If you won't answer then I'll answer for you."

"That doesn't make sense..."

"Black."

He lowered his book and glared at her. "Black?"

She smiled. "Yes, black."

"Why black?"

"You're wearing black right now."

"Am I only allowed to wear my favorite color?"

She sat up and leaned over the table to brush lint off of his shoulder. "Black makes you look handsome. Why? It's not your favorite color?" He watched her sit back and brush her bangs from her eyes. "Well?"

He nodded, raising his book. "Yeah. Black's my favorite color."

--------

As he walked up to the table Risa glared at him, her arms crossed and her brow furrowed. He stopped short of the table but was still within speaking distance. "Is something wrong?"

She waited a few minutes before unfolding her arms. In her hand she clutched a rather thick pile of folded notes, pink writing visible on practically all of them. She threw them on the table so that they splayed out in a fan in front of her. "For you," she said heavily, sounding genuinely angry. Satoshi didn't catch on.

"What do you mean, 'for me'?"

"From your admirers." She stood up and began shrugging on her coat. "I've only been here twenty minutes and in that time I've had about seven girls come up to me and ask me to give you those. The one with the flower petal will be waiting for you outside by the cherry blossoms." She wrapped her scarf around her neck and slung her school bag over her shoulder. ignoring the blank, wide-eyed expression on Satoshi's face.

"Are you leaving?"

"Of course I am! I feel like I'm crowding you." She skirted around the table and started heading for the doors behind him.

He frowned. "I don't understand why you're angry. I don't know any of those girls and I'm certainly not going to meet anyone outside. We still have a lot of things to do." He suddenly realized that there were almost tears in her eyes.

"You've so many other willing girls, why don't you work with one of them!"

He grabbed her arm as she passed. "I never asked to work with any of them. They're not mi--...my science partner."

He felt her flinch as he stumbled over his words. She jerked her arm free and walked away. Satoshi didn't move for a long time.

--------

Satoshi had been working on their project alone for nearly two days when his cellphone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and flipped it open. Out of the corner of his eye he saw two girls watching him from behind the bookshelves, giggling as he said hello into the reciever and then scurrying away when they noticed he saw them. He shook his head.

He hated being stared at.

"Satoshi-kun?"

He sat up straighter. "Harada-san?"

There was an impatient sigh. "No, not Harada-san, Risa-chan." She sounded slightly better than when they had last spoken. "Um, I don't want to work in the library anymore."

He leaned back. "Why not?"

There was a pause. "Too crowded."

He grinned slightly but made sure it didn't sound in his voice. "I agree."

"Can we meet at the park tomorrow?"

He heard giggling again but he ignored it. "It started snowing yesterday."

"I know."

"Sure."

She hung up.

--------

They were walking through the park, a thin layer of snow crunching beneath their feet. They had no book bags. They had no notebooks. They only had coats and the first snows of the winter season.

"I'm sorry I got angry with you. It wasn't your fault."

"No need to apologize."

She walked with her head bowed. He walked looking at the sky. Neither of them understood why they were there. Neither of them wanted to leave.

"You know I don't love Dark anymore." They glanced at each other and then looked away. "And it's not just because he was sealed away. I realize now that it was only an infatuation."

Satoshi didn't know why she was telling him this but he felt relieved for some reason. "Are you getting cold?"

"Yeah, a little."

"I'll bring you home."

--------

They came up to the Harada's front gate. Risa looked up at her house through the iron bars. Satoshi stopped behind her.

"Do you want me to walk you to your door?"

She dropped her gaze and glanced back at him so he wouldn't notice. He was staring up at her house, probably surprised by it. She watched his eyes behind their lenses. She found that she had loved looking at how blue they were when they were in the library.

She realized this and, strangely, she did not mind it.

"Walk around the block with me again," she said quietly, and started on past the gate. After a few moments he caught up with her.

"It's getting colder."

She abruptly stopped walking. He stopped next to her. She looked up at him. "Do you mind?" she asked.

He shook his head. And then he smiled. Really smiled. "No."

She had never seen him smile genuinely before. It made her heart beat faster. "Good."

--------

They were at the gate again. Night had fallen, the streetlamps were shining, and they had walked around the block four times. All the while they had talked, calmly and quietly. There was one point when she asked about all his secrets, why he was always so quiet. And he had told her everything so easily, as if he had done it so many times before. She had gasped when he told her that Krad had always been hurting him and had kept a respected silence when he told her about his father. She had even said that she was amazed that he was Chief Commander of the police.

He had asked if she had any secrets and she had said no. She didn't keep many secrets and if she did, they were small things; insignificant. She had told him that there was one time when she had fainted at the top of a tower and when she woke up she was lying safely on a park bench, a jacket covering her to keep her warm and one of Krad's feathers lying beside her. He had told her that it was him who had caught her. She had given him a hug of appreciation. He didn't reject it.

They had even brought up the subject of the night when Risa had caught him in his female disguise at the museum. Surprisingly, he had laughed along with her at the memory.

But now they were back at her house and it was getting late. They would have to say good bye. He would have never thought that he liked Risa Harada's company so much.

"I better go in now," she said, facing him but looking at the ground. She was twisting her fingers together and her breath made little clouds in the frigid air. He stuffed his hands in the pocket of his coat, looking down at her bowed head.

"Do you want to meet again tomorrow? For the project?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Where do you want to meet?"

She shrugged. "In the library again, I guess."

He thought of the other girls that would be there and he cringed inwardly. But if Risa was okay with it then he'd go...for her.

"Satoshi?"

He blinked. His name sounded strange, standing alone. "Yes?"

She looked up at him and he saw that she was blushing, but she spoke calmly and evenly. "Would you--do you mind if I did something really fast?" She seemed oddly confident. He just nodded and shrugged.

"Of course not. Go ahead."

She reached up and took hold of his glasses, slipping them off his face. He stood stock still as she took a step forward, rose onto her toes, closed her eyes, and kissed him.

Electricity shot through his entire body and his heart was pounding dangerously against his chest. After a few seconds she pulled away, opening her eyes and looking into his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, although she hardly sounded sorry, "but I've wanted to do that for a long time."

He took a few moments to gather his words, having lost them completely. He drew in a shaking breath. "No need to apologize." And that was all he could say as he stared at her. She laughed, folding his glasses and slipping them into the breastpocket of his coat.

"Satoshi?"

"Yes?"

Her hands were snaking around his neck. "Can I ask you for a favor?"

He would have done anything she asked. "Yes."

"Say my name."

"Risa."

She leaned in again and, this time, he wrapped his arms around her waist, intending to make the electricity last longer.

--------

Takeshi walked up to their table once again, this time with his bag slung over his shoulder and one eyebrow raised. Satoshi was reading again but, this time, Risa was standing behind him, leaning closely over his shoulder and pointing at something on the page, her other arm wrapped around him possessively.

"The library again, eh? This is unexpected." They looked up at him simultaneously. He grinned. "You two seemed to have gotten closer."

Risa straightened up. "Did you need something, Saehara-san?" she asked. She didn't sound annoyed but rather cheerful. Takeshi smiled.

"How's the project coming?"

"Fine."

He glanced at Satoshi who had gone back to reading. "As I've seen. So, ah, what's with the pose?" he asked jokingly, indicating their close proximity. Risa shrugged, jerking her head towards the bookshelves.

"He doesn't like it when the other girls bother him, so I figured if I just stayed close to him they'd leave him be."

Takeshi laughed. "Well, that seems a kind gesture. So you guys really are dating now?" He continued to laugh.

Risa grinned. "Maybe."

He stopped laughing.

Satoshi closed his book and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Pardon us, Saehara-san, but Risa and I should be going now." He stood up and began putting on his scarf and jacket.

Takeshi simply stood there, speechless.

Risa had her coat on. "Sorry Saehara-san, we really do need to get going." Behind her Satoshi picked up both their bags and looked up at his silent classmate. He nodded towards him.

"We'll see you tomorrow in school."

"Bye!" Risa followed Satoshi out of the library and into the winter afternoon outside. Takeshi watched them through the glass door, hardly comprehending what he had just witnessed. Outside they were walking side by side, pretty little Risa Harada bouncing about in the snow and cool, quiet Satoshi Hiwatari walking steadily, both bags slung over his shoulder.

Risa turned her head and smiled up at him.

He didn't do anything.

She pushed him.

He still didn't do anything.

She jumped up and kissed him on the cheek.

He turned to her and took her hand in his.

Takeshi turned around and walked away, highly and utterly confused.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I decided to continue with this story because it was the first time I've written in this fashion. I want to experiment with how far I can take a story in short, cut scenes, so here I go. Please review and give me some insight. Thanks so much and please enjoy. )

--------

Risa sat in class, staring dazedly at the chalkboard. Their teacher was lecturing monotonously about the useful ways of innuendo in works of literature and art, but Risa found it extremely dull.

Besides, Satoshi had explained all of it to her weeks ago.

A pen dropped on the floor next to her. She looked down at it.

It was purple with a small charm hanging off the end of it. She looked up and saw Ritsuko smiling helplessly at her.

"Could you hand that to me?" she whispered. Risa nodded and picked it up.

"So Risa-chan, how have things with the project gone lately?"

"Fine."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah."

"And that's all? Just fine?"

"Yes. Just fine."

Ritsuko took the pen that Risa held out for her. "You know, Hiwatari-san is pretty smart. I bet you two were done with your project weeks ago."

"No. We're still working on it."

They were.

"But you've gotten together nearly everyday in the library to work on it."

Risa shrugged. "It counts for half our grade, plus, it's a big project."

"Oh, right. And you two just work together?"

Risa frowned, slightly perturbed by the question.

"Of course."

Ritsuko glanced over her right shoulder and then back at Risa. "You know, Takeshi told me that you two were getting pretty close in the library the other day." She grinned at her friend but Risa just waved her hand, brushing the comment aside.

"Just a favor, Ritsuko-chan. Sato---...er...Hiwatari-san doesn't like his fan girls bothering him, so I stick around to keep them at a distance. They disturb our studying time."

"Oh. Okay." She smiled and glanced over her right shoulder before returning back to her notebook. Risa leaned back to see what she had been looking at.

It was Satoshi. He was sitting at the back of the class as always, his elbow resting on his desk and his head in his hand. He was reading instead of listening to the teacher.

Risa grinned.

He was always reading instead of listening to the teacher.

--------

Satoshi looked up as Risa set her bag down next to him, her eyes scanning the library avidly.

"Something wrong?"

"I thought someone was following me here," she said. He looked up and scanned the perimeter. There were probably nine other people in the library with them, but of the ones that he could see, no one was looking at either him or Risa.

"They must've gone. Are you worried?"

"No...no." She sat down and smiled at him. "I'm fine."

"Good. We're almost done with everything."

"I know. I just need to finish some of the reading." She reached into her bag and got out her book as he went back to writing.

There was a pause.

"Satoshi, you're not wearing your glasses."

He looked up at her again. "I know."

"Why not?"

"The snow kept fogging up the lenses. I took them off when I left the school."

She frowned slightly, leaning against the table. "Don't you need them to see?"

"No, not really."

She cocked her head. "But you wear them anyways."

"Yes. I don't mind them."

"Then why didn't you put them back on?"

He shrugged. "I didn't think to." He leaned back, his brow furrowed. "I thought you didn't like boys with glasses."

She sighed. "Where are they?"

He reached into his front pocket and handed them to her. Risa took them and cleaned them on the front of her blouse. "Do you always listen to what I say?"

It was a rhetorical question. She gently placed them back onto his face, liking how the lenses made his eyes shine.

"I always have."

She sat back and stared at him. He bent over his notes and didn't say another word.

--------

Satoshi had just laid his head against his pillow when he heard the audible rumble of his cellphone vibrating on the floor next to him.

He had gotten so used to keeping it close that it was a habit that was hard to break. Especially now, when he didn't need Detective Saehara calling him whenever he got a calling card.

Satoshi reached down and groped for his phone. When he found it he flipped it open and held it to his ear, checking the screen before saying anything.

It was one o'clock in the morning.

"Hello?" he asked quietly, closing his eyes and massaging his temples. He really needed to get more sleep.

"Satoshi?"

His eyes snapped open. "Risa?"

"Hi."

He sat up, slightly confused. "Risa, is something wrong?"

"No, no! Nothing's wrong."

"Oh." He squinted his eyes to check the time on the other side of the room. One o'clock. His phone wasn't wrong. "It's one o'clock in the morning."

"Um...did I wake you?"

Technically she didn't, as he had not yet gone to sleep. But he had to admit, he was still extremely tired.

"No. I wasn't sleeping."

"Okay. Good." There was a short pause. "What are you doing?"

He frowned slightly, noting that there was a definite timid tone in her voice. "Getting ready for bed."

She got very quiet. "I'm disturbing you, aren't I?"

Truthfully she was. Not that he was entirely annoyed. He had noticed that he liked hearing her voice more and more often.

"No, you're not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, er...Satoshi..."

"Yes?"

"Could I ask you for a favor?"

He hesitated only the smallest bit. "Of course."

"Could you open your front door?"

--------

Satoshi tore open his front door, his cellphone still in his hand. Standing there, with only a thin jacket over her nightgown, was Risa. Her hair was wet from the snow falling outside and she was shivering uncontrollably. She stared up at his surprised face, tucking the phone she had been talking on into her pocket. She blushed and smiled feebly at him.

"Thank you."

--------

She knew she had imposed on him. When he had opened the door he was wearing nothing but his sleeping trousers. But even then he had brought her into his apartment, a wide-eyed expression on his face.

Now she sat in his living room, wrapped tightly in a blanket as he made her warm, green tea. She looked around. There was a time when Daisuke had told her and Riku that Satoshi lived by himself in a messy apartment near the shore.

After looking around it was apparent that Hiwatari lived alone, but his apartment was very clean. Now, at least.

"Here."

She looked up. Satoshi was standing over her, holding a steaming mug. She took it in her hands. He frozen fingers immediately began to warm.

"Thank you," she said. He knelt down in front of her so that they were eye-level. The moonlight from the window illuminated the pale skin of his bare chest. She glanced away.

"Risa, what are you doing here?"

She stared at the ground. "I know it's early. I'm so sorry...I'll leave in a few minutes...once my fingers warm--"

"I didn't say you had to leave."

She met his eyes.

"Satoshi--,"

"Risa, what are you doing here?"

She sighed and set down her mug. She held the blanket closer to herself, it's scent surrounding her in the aroma of clean soap and cold wind. The same scent as Satoshi. "I couldn't sleep."

He didn't say anything.

"Every time I close my eyes I see...Dark, and Krad. And they're fighting. And then I see Daisuke getting hurt."

He didn't say anything.

"And then Riku getting hurt."

He still didn't say anything.

She met his eyes then glanced away. "And I see you...and you're in pain."

He nodded once, understanding.

"Nightmares."

"Not just nightmares." She sounded frustrated. "They're worse than that. They're more real."

"Because they're memories."

"Yes."

He nodded again. "But that still doesn't tell me what you're doing here, at my apartment."

"I didn't want to be alone."

"You're alone at home?"

"No." She bit her lip. "My parents are gone, but Riku's there."

"Why didn't you go to Riku then?"

She stood up, dropping the blanket from her shoulders. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here. I'm imposing." She started to walk away.

Satoshi stood up and grabbed her by the arm. "Did you come here on your sister's bike?"

"Yes."

"Then you're not going anywhere tonight." She looked back at him. "It's too cold."

"Yes, it is."

"Did the nightmares scare you?"

"Yes."

"Then stay here."

She stared at him for a long time, wondering why she had never noticed that Satoshi's voice, however quiet and precise it could seem, was also very kind and humble.

She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against his collarbone in an embrace. "Thank you."

After a moment she felt his arms encase her.

--------

He opened his eyes. He was sitting on the couch, his cellphone resting on the arm next to him. It was still nighttime, but the clock on the wall read three o'clock. He had fallen asleep for two hours.

He tried to get up but something was stopping him. He looked down. Risa's head was resting against his chest, her legs stretched out on the rest of couch and the blanket he had given her thrown over her small frame. For a moment panic struck him, but then he remembered opening the the door to her face and the fear in her eyes when she told him about Dark and Krad.

She groaned and wrapped her arms around him. His heart beat faster.

As gently as he could he sat up straight and slowly disentangled himself from her embrace. When he stood he grabbed his phone and quickly typed out a message to Riku Harada, telling her that her sister was with him and that he'd bring her home tomorrow.

One thing he could count on was Riku's understanding. Between him, her, and Daisuke, they had gone through enough to gain one another's trust.

He looked down at Risa.

She seemed smaller when she slept.

Hardly comprehending the situation that was before him, he picked her up in his arms and brought her to his room, laying her down as gently as he could. When he laid the blanket on her, her hand clamped around his wrist. She mumbled something under her breath.

Satoshi unhooked her fingers and tucked the blanket under her chin to keep her warm.

He closed the door behind him and went to sleep the rest of the night on the couch.

--------

In her dreams she was never safe.

They were always there, fighting, flying, and killing.

The art surrounded them.

Their feathers littered the floor she stood on.

She was always crying.

But she never really saw them; was never able to see their faces or their figures.

But she knew they were there. She knew from the sounds and the sights and the smells. She knew from the hints that they left her.

--------

His landline was ringing but he didn't want to pick it up. He had only gotten to bed a few hours ago and he was definitely not a morning person.

He buried his face into the cushions and ignored it. The machine would pick up the message anyway.

--------

_"Hello, this is Aoyama-san from the School District office. I'm calling on behalf of Hiwatari Satoshi...all the schools in the district will be closed today on account of the excessive amount of snow that has fallen over the passing night. I'm contacting all the students on the eastern part of town so, if you have any questions, just give me a call. Again, that's a cancellation of school for today, December the first. Thank you, and have a nice day."_

--------

Risa opened her eyes and shivered involuntarily. She blinked a few times. Outside the overcast sky reflected off the falling snow. It was deathly bright and deathly cold.

She pulled the blanket closer to her chin and squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to sleep for another day.

She inhaled deeply.

Clean soap and cold wind.

Risa screamed and jumped out of bed.

--------

Truthfully, Krad had never left him. He could hear him in his head and feel him in his muscles. His shoulder blades would always ache where the wings would break through, and he swore his eyesight would change on him, from Krad's sight to his and back.

In the mornings he would find his pillow clutched in his arms. It was usually after a dream where he was fighting Krad. Sometimes it'd be a crushing hold, other times it would hardly be an embrace.

It was just the lingering memory of his alter ego; a distant reminder of the burden he had once carried.

--------

Risa stared at the room around her. Bare walls, a clean carpet and a simple bed that was small but comfortable. A pair of glasses were folded on the nightstand along with a clock and a notebook. There was a hamper next to the closet door. There was only one window.

For a moment she panicked, trying to understand why she wasn't looking at her own room. Then it came back to her. A rush of realization.

This was Satoshi's room.

--------

She stood over his sleeping form, unable to find it in her to wake him. She had thought to, but now that she saw him she didn't want to. He was different when he slept.

The absence of his blue, blue eyes changed his face. His skin always looked paler when seen next to the dark azure. His hair was wild and unkempt, and his body, usually tensed in strain and concentration, was now completely relaxed. He had no pillow and now blanket, just his sleeping trousers and his arm thrown over his face. His cell phone lay across his abdomen.

Risa found that she had changed considerably since the first day of their project back in the library.

Back then she did not want him as her partner.

Now she couldn't even stand to be away from him.

He had made her more mature and grown up in her actions. More sophisticated. But, in another way, he had also helped her remain youthful and laidback.

Seeing him serious all the time made her want to act more poised around him to impress him.

And seeing him serious all the time made her want to act more zealous around him just to oppose him.

But seeing him lying there, with his chest rising and falling with every breath, made her want to simply watch him.

She reached down and picked up his phone. She placed it on the floor. She had wrapped herself in the blanket from his room, but now she unfolded it from her shoulders and covered him. He was probably very cold.

She glanced back at his answering machine. She had already played the message back. It was a relief, not to have to worry about school, but she still needed to get home.

She took out her phone and quickly called their manservant who took care of both her and her sister. She hung up the phone. He'd pick her up in a few minutes.

She looked back at Satoshi.

She knelt next to him, tucking her hair behind her ear. His arm fell away from his face.

She smiled. She knew that there were few friends who would take in someone in the middle of the night. She also knew that there were few boyfriends who give up their beds to their female visitors and sleep on the couch.

But she had never really called him her boyfriend yet. She wasn't quite sure.

She stared at him a while longer before leaning forward to kiss him. She had meant it to be quick, but he reacted to her in his sleep and kissed back.

And when Satoshi kissed her back their was hardly a chance of her moving away.

She closed her eyes. His arm hooked her waist, pulling her closer. She giggled against his mouth. He probably had no idea what he was doing. Their first kiss in the snow had been such a shy one. He had blushed and kissed her so gently. Now he kissed her as if he had no intention of letting go.

She giggled again. Cool, quiet Satoshi Hiwatari wasn't so cool.

After a while she broke away, slipping from his grasp. He didn't wake.

Risa looked down at him again and felt her cheeks flush. Then she turned and left the apartment.

--------

Electricity shot through his nerves. Fire burned in his blood. The smell of rosemary filled his head.

It was the sweetest dream he had in a long time.

--------


	3. Chapter 3

--------

Risa stood in the bathroom brushing her hair. She glanced out the tiny window and saw nothing but a fine blanket of snow piling on the pane. It was bitterly cold today.

"Risa!"

Riku Harada appeared in the doorway, her short hair tied messily away from her face and a shirt with sleeves so long that they draped past her hands. Risa turned towards her, smiling.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know where my bike went? I wanted to bring it into the shed so it wouldn't rust, but I can't find it outside."

Risa started. "Oh! Um...yeah, I saw it."

"Where?"

"Don't worry about it. I already brought it into the shed."

"Oh." Riku grinned, staring at her sister. "That was awful nice of you."

Risa shrugged, facing the mirror again. "Just a favor. No big deal."

"When did you have time to bring it into the shed?" Riku asked, seeming to wait expectantly.

Risa knew her sister wasn't trying to be accusatory; she just didn't know about her little excursion to Satoshi's place. And Risa didn't really want her knowing.

"I woke up early."

"Ah. Okay then." Riku turned to leave. "Breakfast is ready when you're done."

"Thanks, Riku."

--------

Satoshi locked the door behind him and stepped out onto the sidewalk. He checked his watch. 10:35 am.

He glanced out at the shoreline and saw the once clear, blue waves glean a dark, black color in light of the winter season. The snow beneath his feet made a beautiful contrast of blazing white. The cobblestone street completed the scenery with its simple shades of gray.

He walked down the street, the snow crunching with every step.

There was no place in particular that he wanted to go to.

He just needed to get outside.

--------

There was the sound of a door creaking open.

"Riku?"

After a moment Riku's face appeared around the door way to the living room. Risa was sitting on the couch, reading a book.

"Yeah?"

"Was that you opening the door?"

Riku stepped into the door way. She was wrapping a scarf around her neck, her large coat already draped around her shoulders.

"Yeah. I'm going out."

"Where are you going?"

"To Daisuke's."

"Oh." Risa smiled. Riku sighed.

"Geez, you're such a little girl."

Risa's smile widened. "I know."

"I'm only going there to pick up Wiz. I promised Daisuke I'd take of him while their family is out of town for the day."

"You're going to bring Wiz here? I love him!"

"I know. I'll be back in an hour or so. I'm going to do some errands while I'm out." She paused on her way towards the front door. "Do you want to come?"

Risa waited a moment, thinking. She looked down at her book and turned a page. "No. I'm a little tired. I think I'll just stay in today."

"Okay. I'll see you later on then. I love you!"

"I love you too. Bye."

The door closed behind her. Risa stared at the empty hallway for a while before she looked back down at her book. The pages were black and white; words strung together in endless lines.

She closed it. She suddenly didn't feel like reading anymore.

Risa looked out the window. She was all alone in her house. Everyone had gone, either to pick up Wiz, on a business trip, or getting the car fixed. She didn't like the house when it was empty. But she didn't feel like going out either.

It was much too cold.

--------

He thought of Risa. She had left so early. He hadn't said goodbye.

But he knew she was fine. Riku had called him an hour ago to say thanks for caring for her and that she hoped it wasn't any trouble. He told her it wasn't.

He pictured Risa riding on the bike at night, coming to him. What a foolish thing of her to do, especially in the middle of winter. He wasn't worth her getting sick over.

There was a tingling sensation on his neck.

Satoshi glanced over his shoulder. Nothing.

But that couldn't possibly be right. He had the distinct feeling of being watched; of eyes searing into his back. He should know. He'd lived practically all his life with Krad's eyes hovering at the back of his mind.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat and walked on.

That was the odd part about the feeling. As much as he wanted to deny it, Satoshi knew Krad's presence, and this…this feeling reeked of the monster.

But that was impossible.

He was gone.

--------

Ever since he first realized that Krad could dwell within his very DNA, Satoshi had been wary of his presence long before he ever physically appeared.

It was like having a parent scrutinizing your homework over your shoulder. Or even the strange pang of eyes watching you from across the room. Or even that uneasy knowledge of the shadowed monster residing deep within your closet.

He was always there, always bidding his time until he could come out. It was horrible, having him there inside, brooding, waiting. It was a sensation Satoshi never wanted to feel again.

The feeling of no privacy. The feeling of staring eyes.

The feeling of having a burden he did not want to bear.

--------

Risa frowned. She pulled back the sheer curtains, not trusting her vision.

She thought she saw Satoshi standing at the front gate.

But there, with the haze of the curtains no longer obscuring her view, she could see that unmistakable crown of blue hair through the bars of iron. Satoshi had his back towards the house, leaning against the gate. He was staring down at the ground.

Risa's confusion quickly changed into excitement and she smiled.

The very moment she wished to see him he was there, practically waiting for her. He was too good to her, catering to her every need all the time.

He was more than she deserved.

--------

He looked up again. Still nothing.

It had been so the entire time. The feeling of eyes. The sight of nothing.

The uneasy sensation had occupied him so much that he hadn't noticed that he'd walked all the way to Risa's house.

But he didn't want to disturb her. And he didn't want to annoy her.

But he didn't want to leave either.

--------

"Hello, stranger."

Satoshi glanced sharply over his shoulder, startled.

There she stood, her dark hair unbound and brushed smoothly around her face. She wore a warm, black coat and a pale blue scarf around her neck. She was smiling as she stared at him through the gate.

He felt a searing ache in his chest.

He didn't deserve her smiles.

"Excuse me," he said calmly, straightening to face her. "I didn't mean to intrude."

"You're not. You're outside the gate." Her smile relaxed into a serene grin as she walked forward, grasping the bars in her hands and gazing at him through the gap. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not the one who was out in the middle of the night while it was snowing."

Risa blushed. "Oh, well, you know. I kept you up. You might have been tired this morning."

He didn't need to answer. She knew he was perfectly fine.

"Thank you, Satoshi. Thank you so much." He stared at her. He had rarely ever been thanked for anything before.

Truthfully, he never thought he had ever done anything worthy enough.

"I didn't do much--,"

"Yes, you did." Her voice was extremely sincere. "Not many people would have taken care of me like you did."

He didn't say anything.

"Not many would have taken me in during the night and given me their bed to sleep in."

He still didn't say anything.

The red tinge on her cheeks deepened. "And…not many boys would have been such a gentleman."

He simply stared at her.

She gazed back into his eyes, her own round and wondering. This was a different feeling than the one he had for Daisuke. Niwa had been the first one to befriend him; the only boy brave enough to delve into his personal life simply to be his friend. Daisuke was special to him and always would be.

But Risa…

Risa made him feel things he had not known were capable for such as himself. She made his heart pound when they brushed hands, or made his breath shallow when she smiled. He found over these past weeks that he thought about her more often, and he had found the sound of her voice comforting. She was pretty, of course, but she seemed much more beautiful every time he saw her.

He craved her kiss.

And these were not things Satoshi Hiwatari was familiar with. He had lived a life where anyone he cared about either had to end up destroyed by his own hand or pushed away to save themselves. He had found little joy in the company of humans. Now, he discovered, he had all the joy he could ever want in one person.

She leaned forward against the iron bars, still watching him, still smiling.

But she had once loved Dark. She had loved him, no matter what she said, and he had been her first love.

Satoshi could never replace her first love.

"Satoshi…"

She reached a hand through the bars and brushed her fingers against his cheek. Her touch was so light and the gesture was foreign to him. He fought the desire to close his eyes.

"Yes?"

"…you look so much like Krad."

His hand shot out, his fingers closed around her wrist and he threw her hand away as if it scalded him.

"Ah! Satoshi!" Risa rubbed her arm where he had banged it unceremoniously against the iron bars.. She looked up at him through the gate, her eyes showing how hurt and embarrassed she was. "What's wrong?"

He only stared at her, his eyes wide in shock, fear and surprise. He had stepped farther away. The snow that had settled in his hair had shaken and fallen to the ground. Something dark and sinister wrapped tightly around his heart.

"What did you say to me?" he half-whispered.

Risa stared at him. Scared and concerned. "What?"

"What did you say to me?" He couldn't stand seeing her look at him with fear in her eyes, but what she had said was near unforgivable.

"What are you—Satoshi, what's wrong? I'm sorry if what I said offended you in any way…although I don't understand why…" She looked near tears. "I just said that you look so much older now." She dropped her head, staring at the ground. Her hand was rubbing the wrist he grabbed.

--------

There are those moments of silence that seem to last an eternity when all you want is for them to end. They come in pauses or in breaks, but, no matter what, they are always unwelcome.

They are the uncomfortable silences that happen when cruel realization dawns on our minds and we discover, for one dark, disturbing moment, that we are wrong.

And it is the understanding that we are wrong that makes us wonder if insanity has truly set in.

--------

She never felt so embarrassed or exposed in her life.

Standing there, head bowed, close to tears, with Satoshi staring at her.

Staring with blue, blue eyes.

She had made him angry.

Why?

She wasn't sure. But the look in his eyes…

Cold.

Hard.

Hatred.

Had he even heard what she said? It couldn't possibly be worse than it sounded.

He did look older. Older and even more handsome, if it were possible. She had meant for it to sound loving.

All Risa wanted to do was turn around and walk away. She was mortified. Humiliated.

Because his grip had been so hard and her wrist was already darkening with a bruise.

He was much stronger than he looked.

Or seemed.

He just didn't realize it.

--------

She turned to leave.

Satoshi pulled the unlocked gate open and stepped through.

"I'm sorry…"

"Hiwatari, don't. You shouldn't be…"

"You never call me Hiwatari."

She didn't answer to that.

"Risa, I really am sorry. I'm not…thinking right. My mind's scattered. I'm sorry."

She waited a moment before she turned to face him. Her eyes were glistening but they weren't full of tears. She seemed more embarrassed than hurt.

"What did you think I said?" Her voice was small, meager, almost as though she were bracing herself for another sudden attack.

He couldn't really tell her. He didn't want to think about it himself. But he could have sworn that was what she had said, and it had sent a vein of anger right through his body.

To be compared to Krad was a dark fear of his.

"I…nothing. It was nothing."

She stared at for a moment. He didn't look away.

The snow gathered on their shoulders, dusting them in white frost, chilling their skin through the fabric. If they stayed in the cold any longer they could get sick.

"Come inside." She turned her back to him and began walking towards her house. He didn't follow.

"No, I couldn't…"

"It's getting too cold. The storm might pick up again."

"I couldn't though…"

"Hey!" She was already halfway up the drive. She snapped her head around to glared at him. Her hair whipped about her face. "You already hurt me, Satoshi Hiwatari. The least you could do is listen to me!" She turned back to the house and marched up to the porch.

She opened the front door and stepped inside.

--------

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to come--,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Is anyone home?"

"No. Riku left a while ago. She's the only other person with me this week."

"So, no one."

"No. Will you come inside? You're letting the cold in."

"I shouldn't--,"

"Hiwatari…are you scared?"

"…"

"Get in here."

--------

To say that it was awkward being in the Harada household would be a cruel understatement. When Satoshi had visited Niwa months before it had already been a test of his social courage as well as his bravery. But this…this was Risa's home. Pretty, little Risa Harada's home…the mansion by the sea…the palace on the cliff.

He stood in her living room. It was too awkward to sit. Everything was so pristine. He felt out of place, despite the fact that his father owned a mansion far greater than this one could ever be. But he had always felt out of place there as well. He never did favor the wide, spacious burden of these houses.

"Here, drink this. You shouldn't stand out there in the cold like that." Risa came sauntering in the room carrying a steaming mug in each hand. She walked up to him and offered it over. He hesitated, but then took it after the steady gaze she kept on him.

"Thank you."

She didn't smile but, instead, nodded meekly and took a sip from her own mug. She moved away to take a seat on the sofa. Satoshi did not move. He simply stared at her.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, for probably the millionth time. Risa cupped both hands around her drink and held it up to her lips.

"I know," she answered, and took a long pull from her tea.

--------

He stared at her. She sat with her head resting gently against the back of the sofa, lying slightly on its side. Strands of her hair spilled across her face and her legs were curled under herself for warmth. Her eyes were closed and lax, and she almost looked as if she were pouting; probably a feature she didn't know she did.

Her hand was clutching tightly to his shirt.

They had only been watching the movie not even an hour when she closed her eyes and fell asleep. It had taken the majority of the hour for her to get him to sit next to her, but the moment he did so she had succumbed to the pull of fatigue. Satoshi didn't know what to do. The television set was playing, the snow outside was raging, and he was stuck inside an empty house with Risa Harada sleeping next to him and anchoring herself to his side.

He leaned against the back rest and stared down at her.

He suddenly wondered if she were his girlfriend or not. The term sounded generic, but he still wondered. He had never had one, and, to be totally honest, never thought himself to have one in the future. Was Risa it? Did she see it in that light?

But he had hurt her.

He murmured something in her sleep and pulled, grabbing on tighter. Satoshi was taken aback by her grip and fidgeted, enough so that it roused her to open her eyes into small slits.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't meant to wake you."

"How long was I sleeping?" she asked groggily. He checked his watch.

"Half an hour."

"Sorry…I didn't mean to--,"

"You just fell asleep. If you're tired I could take you to your room and go home--,"

"No." She held on even tighter. "I don't want to be by myself. Riku isn't here," she explained dreamily.

"Risa…"

"I'm afraid of him," she suddenly said, closing her eyes and not really paying attention to the words leaving her mouth. "I'm afraid of him when he comes into my dreams."

"Who?"

"The angel…the angel with pure white wings."

Satoshi didn't move.

"With eyes of cold gold."

Satoshi still didn't move.

"And a voice with a laugh."

Satoshi remained still.

"And he always comes so close to hurting me." She felt him shift as he glanced down at her. "I'm always afraid that he'll do it before you come back…"

Satoshi spoke in a low, husky whisper. "I always came back in time."

"You didn't today." She unconsciously swiveled the wrist he had hurt. Satoshi looked at it, blank-faced yet still succeeding in looking utterly horrified.

"I'm sor--,"

"I know."


	4. Chapter 4

Satoshi leaned against the glass of the window, the cold seeping through his shirt and deep into his skin. The town hadn't had a frigid winter in a long time. Just comfy winters. White winters. Frosted winters. Never frigid.

Truthfully he did not want to be in the Harada mansion. Too much empty space, too many quiet rooms. It was a vast estate that made him uncomfortable, but he couldn't leave all of a sudden.

To have Risa wake up to loneliness was cruel.

He woke up to loneliness much too often.

He checked his watch. It was almost evening. He sighed. He wondered where her sister was.

Risa took a lot of work, that was for certain.

Not that he minded.

He frowned. His shoulders were sore, burdened down, longing for relief. It had only happened now, this tight, constricted feeling. Tense. The same feeling he'd get with Krad's wings.

He was always too small for Krad's wings.

He rubbed his shoulders. Why now? Why was he thinking about Krad now?

Why did everything remind him of that mistake…a monster who had disappeared for months now?

Satoshi slipped his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Satoshi started and looked back over his shoulder. Risa was awake, head resting on the arm of the couch as she looked at him. She sounded a little groggy; she must have only woken up.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

She smiled dreamily. "I'm not quite sure how you can wake someone without making a sound, but no." She sat up. "You look tired. Or maybe just troubled. Are you okay?"

He looked away from her and back out the window. "I'm fine, but I better be going." He gave the snow outside one last intimidating glance before pushing away from the window and turning back to Risa. "Will you be all right by yourself?"

She laughed a little. "It is my house."

"Right."

"You don't have to leave. It's awfully cold outside."

"I better go."

------------------------------------------

People change. For the better or for the worse. They improve or else they weaken. Everyone changes. No one is the same from when they were five to when they were fourteen.

Yet we all stay the same person, inside and out.

You can take away our clothes and you can take away our hairstyles. You can steal our personalities and alter our voices. Rip away everything that we appear to be.

And yet the same heart still beats within. The same soul lives and thrives.

And all of our different faces stay with us, whether they be good.

Or evil.

---------------------------------------------

Risa stood in the foyer with him while he shrugged on his coat and scarf.

"You shouldn't be walking in the snow. You'll get sick."

"I might." And he knew he would. But no matter.

"You don't have to leave." Satoshi looked up at her; noticed that she seemed reluctant to let him go.

"I have things that I need to do. Otherwise…"

He didn't want to leave.

He wrapped his scarf around his neck and Risa opened the door for him. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, then," she said. He nodded. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. He returned the embrace.

They separated.

Satoshi stepped out into the bitter cold and started on down the steps to the pathway. Risa watched him go before she thought of something and called out his name.

"Satoshi!"

He turned around and looked back at her.

"Yes?"

Risa took a step out the door. "I—I wanted you to know…"

It was hard to say.

"…but for the times that I did see Krad…" She sighed. "I thought he was beautiful…"

But it was the truth.

Satoshi stared at her for a long time. He didn't move; didn't even seem as if he had heard. But then he nodded somberly and turned around once more, heading for the gate and off Harada property.

------------------------------------

That night, as she slept, her bed covers pulled up around her chin, she had a dream.

That became a nightmare.

About Krad.

And he was tearing Satoshi apart.

----------------------------------

Satoshi walked into the cherry tree orchard, the once pink branches stripped bare for the winter.

He wore no coat.

He wore no scarf.

He held only the note that Risa had slipped him in class.

_Meet me by the orchard trees at lunch. Right away. Risa._

So he was meeting her by the orchard trees at lunch, right away. Not that he really needed a coat. He never really felt the cold anymore.

"Risa?"

"Satoshi."

He turned around in time to see Risa launch herself at him, her small hands grabbing onto the lapel of his shirt, feel the tug as she yanked him down, pulling his face to hers. Her kiss was a fire amid all the snow, but it was not out of pleasure, but pain.

He found he had a fear for it.

He grasped her by the shoulders and pulled away, gasping and blinking. She only stared up at him, angry that he had stopped.

"Wh-what are you doing?" he asked, breathing hard. He took hold of her wrists and pull them down, away from his shirt.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked defensively. "You're my boyfriend, aren't you? Isn't this what boyfriends and girlfriends do?"

He frowned. "I wouldn't exactly know. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I wish you wouldn't lie to me."

"And I wish you'd just kiss me, for once!" She tore her hands from his grip and stepped back, glaring up at him. He was so much taller than her. "Have you noticed that you never kiss me? I'm always the first one to move. I'm always the first one to lean in. Even our first kiss was given by me. The only time you ever kissed first was when you were asleep! You don't even remember it!"

He didn't.

"I just want to know why, Satoshi. Are you too shy? Are you too embarrassed? Maybe you don't like me as much as I like you? Is that it?" She waited for his answer but it never came. He just stood there, tall and lean, wearing his school uniform with the sleeves rolled up in the middle of winter. He looked confused.

She didn't blame him.

She was just mad and angry. The nightmare and shaken her, made her afraid. She was trying to deal with her fear by using anger. She felt guilty.

"Nevermind!"

And she turned around and ran away.

-------------------------------

They walked home together in silence.

He knew she was angry with him but he didn't want her strolling the streets alone. The sky was a darker grey and there was a chance that snow would be falling heavily later in the afternoon.

And her house was so far away.

He offered to carry her bag and she handed it to him in silence. He didn't even try to speak of their fight. It would have been pointless.

So they walked in silence for a very long time. They said nothing to each other for one mile.

Two miles.

Two miles and a half.

Satoshi stopped walking. They were passing on the sidewalk along the edge of the cliff that opened up to the ocean. The cold, brittle sea breeze bit at their faces, but he stopped here. The view was beautiful.

Risa felt him stop and looked back, her footsteps quiet. "What are you doing?" she asked. She sounded normal, unfazed. As if what happened at school never happened at all. He stared at her.

"Do you want me to show you?" he asked. Risa frowned.

"Show me what?"

"How much?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you want me to show you how much I like you?"

She stared at him, surprised. Satoshi couldn't have looked more serious in his life.

He walked up to her and gazed down at her. The grey sky made his eyes stand out even more, blue and deep. The lenses of his glasses made them glint.

"Yes," she answered, although she said it with difficulty. She was nervous. She was blushing. "Show me."

He dropped their bags onto the snow and reached for her waist. He pulled her close to him, her small frame fitting perfectly with his. "Take my glasses off," he told her.

She reached up, her neck growing hot, and slowly removed his glasses. The minute they were off and out of the way he leaned down and kissed her.

Kissed her with urgency and with flame.

Kissed her like he had that night in his apartment.

Kissed her like he'd lose her.

Kissed her like she'd dreamt of being kissed.

Right there, in the middle of the sidewalk, with the ocean view to their left and the snow covered street to their right.

Her hands were crushed against his chest, still holding onto his glasses. His hands were wrapped around her tiny waist. Fire exploded in her chest. Truth be told, she had been afraid that she was coming to love him, but that the love was only one-sided. He took care of her, yes. He worried about her, yes. But she didn't know if he was attracted to her. Wasn't even completely satisfied that he liked. She tried her hardest not to smile and laugh.

It seemed that Satoshi Hiwatari did like her.

A lot.


	5. Chapter 5

When Risa arrived at class the next morning she opened her desk and found it completely empty.

Her books were gone. Her pencils were gone. Her notepads were gone. There was nothing left except a small piece of paper sitting in the center of nothing. She picked it up and read it.

_Meet us in the girl's locker room at lunch._

It was unsigned.

-------------------------------------

Risa went to the locker room at lunch.

She didn't think much of it. No one would do anything ridiculous during school hours.

When Risa opened the door to the locker room she found ten girls there. Two were in her class, the others she knew from various classes around the school. She didn't much talk to any of them.

They were solemn looking girls and they stood like a wall of glaring eyes in front of her. Risa waited in the doorway, instantly wary of the gathering.

"What's going on?" she asked. The girl in the front and center, with black pigtails that Risa wasn't very familiar with, answered her.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Hiwatari-san," she said. She sounded angry. She sounded hateful.

Risa was immediately afraid. "We were assigned partners for a project in our class. They know that," she said, pointing at her two classmates.

None of them gave a hint of even listening.

"We want you to stop," another girl said. "It isn't fair."

"What are you talking about?"

A different girl answered. "We have loved Hiwatari-san since the moment we laid eyes on him. We joined his fan club. We all devoted ourselves to him. We deserve him more than you do."

Black pigtails spoke again. "I've followed you and you've met him almost every day in the library and I've seen you two walk home together. Just the other day we saw you go to the cherry orchard and then he went there after you." She narrowed her eyes. "Stay away from him."

Risa stared at all ten girls. She was outnumbered and their hatred for her was suffocating. "He doesn't belong to you," she said quietly. "He can make his own decisions." She didn't know what they'd do if they knew the truth. "He's my friend."

All ten pairs of eyes blazed with anger. Risa took a step backward out into the hall.

"He doesn't even read our letters anymore!" One of the girls had lost her nerve and blurted it out and the others glared at her. Maybe she wasn't supposed to have said it.

Risa gripped the doorway. "Can I have my things back?" she asked meagerly. The girls stared at her and then began to file out of the locker room, each one knocking her with their shoulder as they passed.

"Check the showers," Black Pigtails said, and then shoved her back into the locker room and closed the door behind her.

--------------

Risa pulled back the curtain of the shower that was on.

All her notebooks.

All her pencils.

All her textbooks.

Sat there.

Soaked.

---------------

Satoshi didn't see Risa during class.

--------------

Or at lunch.

--------------

Or after school.

------------------

That night he finished his homework, ate his dinner and sat down on his couch intending to finish the novel he had been reading. He set his cell phone down next to himself.

He stared at the same page for over an hour.

And not once did Risa call back.

-------------------

He saw her the next day.

She came into class late and sat down at her desk without even glancing at him. When the lunch bell rang she left the room before he could even stand up and during afternoon classes she kept her eyes down and fixed on her notebook. He would have gone another day without speaking to her if he hadn't surprised her during their cleaning duties.

She was walking down the hall with a stack of books in her hands. She was supposed to return them to the library for the class. Satoshi had already finished cleaning the classroom with Daisuke and he waited for her at the bottom of the stairs.

"Do you need any help?" he asked as she stepped onto the landing.

Risa screamed, surprised, and dropped the books on the floor. Satoshi jumped slightly as well, but he was taken away from his shock by a pair of hands clamping onto his shoulders and pushing him into a nearby classroom.

Risa turned, slammed the door shut, and rounded on him.

"Don't ever do that again," she scolded, breathing hard and glaring at his feet. He was confused.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He looked around. "Why are we in here?"

"Were you waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase?"

"Yes."

She was livid. "You shouldn't have done that."

He frowned. "Why not?"

"Because…you shouldn't have."

"You've been ignoring me all day."

She didn't answer.

"You're not even looking at me."

"I don't want to."

"Where were you yesterday? Were you sick?" He was so concerned for her. He never remembered being concerned about another person as much before in his life.

She nodded. "I was sick."

"Are you all right?"

"No."

He crouched low so that he could see into her eyes. She was close to tears. "What's the matter?" He didn't ask it out of concern, though. He asked it out of curiosity.

"I can't--…" she hesitated. She was hiding something, keeping a secret from him. He could read it plainly on her face. She wanted to tell him the truth but, at the last minute, decided against it and instead would feed him a lie. "Nothing. Nothing's the matter." She tried to smile, swiped quickly at her eyes and stepped forward. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close. "I'm fine."

--------------

He was leaning against a building and waited around the corner for her. She said she would walk with him, but she told him to wait for her around the corner. So he did. School was out for fifteen minutes and she wasn't showing up yet.

"Satoshi…I'm cold."

He turned towards her voice. Risa stood there in her P.E. uniform. No coat. No scarf. Nothing. Not even a book bag.

------------

She would have smiled if she wasn't so miserable.

Maybe even laughed.

She had barely spoken three words before he ripped off his scarf and coat and had it wrapped around her shoulders. He even dropped his books in the snow. He even held her in an airtight embrace while he called for his driver and they waited. When the black car rolled up to the sidewalk he threw open the door and hurried her in, diving it after her.

He was angry.

He asked her where her clothes were, like her coat and her scarf. He asked her where her books were.

She didn't want to tell him the truth.

She didn't want to tell him that they had also found their way inside the girls' locker room shower.

-------------

The entire ride he tried to ask her what had happened. The entire ride she refused to tell him. It came to the point where they got in a fight.

He pressed her for answers until she got frustrated and she yelled at him to leave her alone until they both sat on opposite sides of the car, staring out the windows at the falling snow.

--------------

Quiet.

"Risa?"

Quiet.

"…yeah?"

"Why are you only in your P.E uniform?"

Quiet.

"I don't want to talk about it."

His voice was low, deep, almost a dead whisper. He was getting angry, and yet his face couldn't have betrayed anything. "You've been acting strangely."

"So?"

"I'm worried."

"Don't be. It's not your concern."

"You knock on my door at one o'clock in the morning and now you're telling me not to be concerned?"

Quiet.

"Yes."

He stared at her. He sighed. "I don't think I've ever met anyone quite so difficult."

She turned to glare at him. "And you're not difficult? Anyone who comes near you has to prepare for difficulties; they trail you like a shadow."

"What's wrong?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it."

"With a response like that it sounds like you do."

"I said leave me alone!"

He fell silent. She fell silent. Then she turned her head away and didn't look at him the entire ride to her house.

-------------

He was angry because she was lying to him.

She was angry because she was being bullied by a bunch of fan club girls.

They were both angry because they didn't know it would ever get rough.

-------------

"I want you to leave me alone."

Risa was in the all-too-familiar girls' locker room with the same girls she had met there before. They were the ones in the doorway this time. Risa stood with her back to the showers. She had called them.

Pigtails was in the front again. Smiling.

No.

Smirking.

"Not until you leave Hiwatari-san alone."

"No."

The smirk dropped from her face. "What?"

"You can't tell me what to do and you can't choose who Hiwatari-san wants as friends. I want you to leave me alone." The girl all giggled as if she had told a joke. "This is pathetic. You're picking on me because the boy that you like doesn't like you back."

Everyone stopped giggling. Black Pigtails walked right up to her. She was an inch taller.

"Shut up."

Risa grinned. "You're really angry, aren't you? You leave him love letters day after day and he never even reads them. And then you see him actually talking to me during a school project and you can't help but be jealous." She shook her head. "He makes a friend and you're jealous. Pathetic."

The taller girl was livid. "Lie all you want, Harada. You say you're friends but I know better. And I know what's going to happen. You're just a little harlot whose eyes have gone from Dark-san to Hiwatari-san. You'll adore him for a short time and then you'll get bored and move on to someone else and leave Hiwatari-san behind. That's how shallow you are. Why don't you just do everyone a favor and disappear. Go toy with someone else. Hiwatari-san is too good for you."

When they left Risa stayed behind.

The meeting hadn't gone the way she had hoped.

----------

Risa found him in the computer lab.

He was the only one there, sitting at a computer at the back of the room, his back towards her as his fingers hit the keys in rapid succession. She watched him for the longest time.

She couldn't see Dark in him.

Or did she?

She _knew_ Dark wasn't in him. She _knew_ that it had been Krad. Did knowing change her perspective?

He was getting frustrated. He muttered something under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. Risa crept up slowly behind him. Just being near him made her skin tingle.

Had it been the same with Dark? Did she used to look at Dark with so much love…and desire?

Satoshi rested his head in his hand. She could see the fabric of his shirt pull tight across his shoulders.

God, was it even love or _lust_?!

The thought made her cringe.

She stood right behind him. He must have been very distracted or concentrated; usually he would sense when anyone was within seven yards of his person. Risa took the opportunity to lean in and appreciate their closeness.

She felt horrible about yelling at him the day before. Her heart sank.

He really was too good for her.

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her head next to his. He didn't jump or was surprised. He had known she was there. He always knew.

She glanced at the computer screen. The title 'Azumano Police Files' flashed at the top. She didn't know he still worked with the police force.

He kept his eyes ahead, unfazed by her sudden weight on his shoulders. He simply pushed his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose and continued to type rapidly. He wasn't talking to her. Whether it was out of anger or distraction, he didn't talk to her.

It didn't really matter to her. She just liked the feel of him in her arms. She liked the smell of him. He smelled nothing like Dark.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday," she whispered into his ear. "I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything.

--------------

When the bell rang after class and everyone gathered their things and started to leave Satoshi didn't move. Everyone filtered out of the classroom, but Risa lagged behind. He wasn't writing anything or reading a book. He was just sitting there, staring down at his desk.

She let everyone out the door before herself, chancing quick glances over her shoulder at him but refusing to look at him directly. She didn't want to be obvious.

The girls were always watching.

She peeked over her shoulder at him and saw that he was watching her. She was the only one left in the classroom, but her classmates were still standing outside the door, the two girls watching her through the crowd like a hawk.

She looked back at Satoshi.

He was calling her over with his hand.

She looked back into the hallway.

They were still there.

She looked back at Satoshi.

She mouthed an apology.

She left the room in a hurry.

--------------

"You're different."

Risa looked up. She had been staring at her feet the entire car ride. She hadn't even noticed that her sister had been talking to her.

"What?"

Riku was leaning against the window and smiling at her. "Don't worry; it's in a good way. But you're still different."

Risa frowned. "I am?"

Her sister nodded. "Niwa has noticed it too. He actually mentioned it to me today."

Risa looked away and out the window. "How am I different?"

Riku didn't answer right away. "I never wanted to bring it up, but you were…tense before. You got frustrated easily, and you'd snap at me for the smallest things. You were a little irritable too." Risa turned and made a face at her. Riku smiled. "Okay, you weren't horrible. But you seemed, I don't know, sad."

"I did?"

"You did."

Risa hadn't thought about it, but she had been sad. Dark had just disappeared. "And now I'm back to normal?"

"No."

Risa's brow furrowed.

Riku sighed. "You're not yourself at all, and it's wonderful. You seem so relaxed and content. You still work hard, but now it doesn't seem so much like work as it does pleasure. You seem comfortable." Riku smiled and nudged her sister in the side. Risa faked a smile and looked away.

She knew the reason for her change.

Riku turned and looked out at the falling snow. "You seem--,"

"—happy." Risa felt horrible. "I am."

--------------

She found him in the computer room again.

This time she didn't stay at a distance.

Risa walked over to him and sat down in the chair next to him, waiting. He continued to type rapidly. For a while he didn't even look at her.

Then he glanced in her direction.

"I'm so sorry," she told him. "I am so sorry."

He looked back at the computer screen and continued typing. She continued to wait.

Minutes passed. He looked back at her. She waited.

"Why didn't you tell me those girls were giving you trouble?"

Risa was surprised. She hadn't expected that response. "How did you know about that?"

Then again, how didn't he know about it? He was the Chief Commander of Police.

He looked back at the screen and went on typing. "I don't like secrets." He said it firmly. He said it seriously. She felt terrible.

"I didn't want…I'm sorry--,"

"Don't ever do it again." He was angry. Anyone else wouldn't have known if they looked at him. He looked as normal as ever.

Except for his eyes. They were blazing.

Risa leaned back in her chair and tucked her legs close to her chest. For the rest of the afternoon she just waited next to him as he continued his work, the sound of the keys the only thing filling them silence between them.


	6. Chapter 6

It was Friday.

And Risa didn't like the definite riff that had grown between her and Satoshi. She hadn't known that keeping secrets was such a big deal for him.

But then, when she thought about it, of course she knew. He had lived with a deadly secret for so long.

She invited him to her house after school to hang out.

Just to hang out.

To talk.

And hopefully win his forgiveness.

Riku had invited Daisuke over as well, but they both had after school activities, so they'd be there later.

------------------

Risa opened the door and shrugged off her coat, hanging it on the coat hanger near the door. She reached over and helped Satoshi out of his before he could say anything.

"Do you want anything to drink?" she asked.

"No, thanks." He hung his scarf with his coat. Risa could tell he still felt uncomfortable in her house.

"Come on up. I want to show you my room."

She started for the stairwell and then stopped when she didn't hear him follow.

She looked over her shoulder. He just stood there.

"Come on," she said again.

This time he followed.

-----------------

For nearly an hour they just sat on the floor in front of Risa's bed, their heads leaning against her comforter as they watched some sort of movie that had been playing on the television. It had been a comfortable hour. They were both relaxed and both content.

Like friends who were just hanging out because…

…they just wanted to hang out.

But, in the back of her mind, Risa wasn't happy. She wanted to curl up next to him and rest her head on his shoulder. She wanted his arm wrapped around her and the warmth of his closeness.

She wanted her boyfriend back.

-------------

Satoshi couldn't get the anger out of his mind.

The fact that she hadn't asked for help in the first place made his temper boil. He hated that she had kept a secret. He hated that she hadn't told him the truth.

He hated it because she had hurt his feelings by not asking for his help

And he couldn't get his mind off of his hurt.

---------------

Risa was thirsty, so she got up, said she would be right back, and left to get drinks.

She hurried down the steps quickly but silently, stepping toe, ball, heel on each step, just like she learned in ballet class when she was six years old. She stepped onto the landing, crossed through the living room and nearly made it to the kitchen before abruptly stopping.

Riku and Daisuke were there, but she hadn't even heard them come in.

They were making something to eat at the counter. Riku sat on one of the stools and was leaning forward while Daisuke stood beside her. They were laughing and he looked up from what he was doing, his face inches away from Riku's. Risa watched as their laughter slowly died out and Daisuke leaned forward to kiss her.

Risa backed away from the kitchen and pressed herself against the wall and out of sight. She was blushing terribly.

She knew that Riku and Daisuke had kissed before, but she had never actually seen them.

It was uncomfortable.

But it was also very sweet.

To think that clumsy Daisuke Niwa would have the confidence to lean in and kiss her sister.

The thought made Risa smile.

Sometimes, Riku needed a kiss to shut her up.

---------------

"What do you want me to do?" she asked, closing the door behind her.

Satoshi looked up from his spot on the floor. She wasn't holding a drink.

"What do you mean?"

She leaned against her door. "What can I do to make you forgive me?"

He stared at her. "I do forgive you."

"No, you don't. You're still angry that I didn't tell you right away. You're angry that I didn't come to you for help."

Did she really know him that well?

"I could have made them stop," he said blankly.

There was a pause.

"I didn't want to have to depend on you," she answered back. "I already bother you, and I didn't want to have to disturb you with something as--,"

"Bother me?"

She stopped talking. He was nearly incredulous, although his tone barely changed.

Risa shrugged.

"After all this time you still think that you bother me?"

She shrugged again.

He stared at her for a while before turning back to stare at her television and lean against her bed. "I don't walk you home after school because you bother me. I don't answer your phone calls because you bother me. I'm not here because you bother me. If you've noticed, I'm not someone who tends to waste his time on things he doesn't like."

She nodded and pushed herself from the door to walk over to him. She lowered herself onto the carpet at his side.

"Satoshi…"

He was frustrated, but he turned to look at her when she said his name.

"What?" She leaned forward and hugged him. He hadn't realized that they'd been physically distant for nearly three days.

She pulled away. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "And thank you."

They stared at each other for a long time before Satoshi opened his arm and Risa nestled into his side.

------------------

At one point during the movie the two had moved to sit on Risa's bed and Satoshi had fallen asleep. He was leaning against her mound of pillows, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles. His head lolled a little to the side, and the relaxation on his face made him seem endearing.

Risa had abandoned the movie and, instead, watched him. She lay next to him on her side, staring at his face. She smiled and reached up gently to remove his glasses.

"Do you want to know the truth?" she whispered to him. Satoshi continued to sleep as she folded his glasses and placed them on her nightstand. "The truth is a bit dramatic," she admitted. "But I might be falling in love with you."

She wasn't smiling when she said it. It didn't seem like something that she would smile at. Satoshi remained silent.

She unfolded his arms and fit herself perfectly at his side again, her head resting on his shoulder.

"And the best part is that I hope I am."

-------------------

When Satoshi woke up he panicked.

He was lying on his side in Risa's bed with Risa tucked closely in front of him. Her head fit in neatly under his chin, their feet were tangled together, and the cold must have seeped into the room because he had wrapped one arm over her, his hand having reached under her blouse to keep warm against her bare stomach.

The feel of her skin under his fingers sent a fiery jolt up his arm and he pulled away, nearly jumping out of the bed. His heart was racing and he couldn't see clearly. He looked around for his glasses while silently berating himself for his stupid behavior.

He saw a glint of light on Risa's nightstand and walked around the foot of her bed to retrieve his glasses. He knelt down next to the nightstand to put them on when she woke up.

She moaned quietly and started to stretch, reaching her arms over her head and flipping on her back. Satoshi watched, oddly fascinated, as her body went slack and she slowly opened her eyes, staring first at her ceiling, then the television, and then at him. She flipped back on her side and stared directly into his eyes. Her hair framed her face in tumbling curls and she smiled wearily at him.

A bolt sparked somewhere deep inside Satoshi. Something foreign. Electricity shot through every nerve tenfold. He wanted to kiss her and hold her and never stop.

"I have to go," he said. And because he wasn't sure he could handle it, he stood up and left the room without even a hug goodbye.

-----------------

When he stepped off the Harada grounds and onto the sidewalk Satoshi chanced a glance back. He looked up past the iron gate to where Risa's room was. She was standing in the window watching him. He saw her wave and he waved back briefly before turning away and heading on quickly down the street.

He dug his hands into the deep pockets of his coat and nestled his chin lower into his scarf. It wasn't until he was a full block away did he finally squeeze his eyes shut and felt himself collapse against a nearby brick wall.

His head ached terribly. His stomach churned with nausea. He could barely stand on his two feet.

_What was going on?!_

Krad had been gone for months now. His spirit had been locked with Dark's forever. Satoshi was supposed to be free.

So why was it that when he had seen Risa and had felt that powerful surge of romantic feeling inside of him it had been followed by the chalky after effect of Krad's coming? Why did his muscles ache? Why did he feel light-headed?

_What was going on?!_

------------------------

"Your blood pressure is low," the doctor said. Satoshi, lounging in the chair instead of on the paper-covered table, leaned back and rubbed his forward.

"The news is devastating. I had no idea," he said lazily. He stared up at the doctor and the doctor rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"What I mean is that it has gotten too low. You're not taking care of yourself." He sifted through his files. "Have you been sleeping properly? Eating properly? Over-stressing your heart rate?"

Satoshi thought of the night Risa came to his apartment at one o'clock in the morning. He thought of walking around in the orchard when it was snowing to meet Risa. He thought of walking around the block with her the day they first kissed. He thought of forgetting to eat lunch because he was always watching her.

"Maybe," he said.

-------------------

There was a knock at his door.

He went to answer it. Risa stood on the other side.

"You weren't at school today and I was worried," she said, smiling up at him. She rose on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. He moved aside and let her in.

"I went to see my doctor," he said off-handedly, shutting the door and taking Risa's coat and scarf. He hung it by the door and followed her into the living room. "Are you thirsty?"

"The doctor? Are you okay?" She turned around and looked up at him, her eyes wide and worried. He shrugged.

"Fine. Really, I am." He walked past her and into the kitchen area. His doctor had suggested more tea.

Risa followed him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Risa leaned against the counter while Satoshi set a kettle on his stove. She watched him gather the things he needed with a smile on her face.

He glanced at her and noticed.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Watching you do all of this," she said, shrugging. "Watching you set water to boil and making tea…." She trailed off, still smiling. Satoshi didn't understand.

"What?"

"It's cute."

Satoshi stopped what he was doing and stared at her.

He didn't really like being called cute.

------------------------

They sat together on his sofa.

He was drinking his tea. She was reading one of the novels he loved.

The television was silent.

Risa looked up from the top of her book and caught his eye.

"What did I do this time?" she asked. Satoshi lowered his cup and set it on the side table.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been distant this whole time. You've barely said a thing. You're sitting on the other side of the sofa when yesterday you had your hand under my blouse."

Satoshi's face went beet red and he averted his eyes too quickly. It made Risa almost laugh.

"What is the matter?"

He was scared. Scared that anything between them would coax Krad out again. Scared that his demons weren't at rest.

"Nothing." He wasn't looking at her.

Risa put down the book she was reading. She scooted down towards him and reached up to take off his glasses.

She loved taking off his glasses for him. He loved when she took them off for him. His blush deepened.

"Um…Risa…I…"

She folded them neatly. When she leaned over him to put them on the side table she deliberately kissed him. He started to shrink away.

Were there wings? Were they white?

Risa set the glasses down and pulled back, frowning. "Well that was a little cold." Satoshi sighed and stood up to go and stand by his window. Risa turned around and leaned against the back of the sofa to watch him. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"It's not gone," he said quietly.

He didn't know it would be so easy to say it. And to her of all people.

"What isn't?"

"The same feeling. I can feel him there, at the back of my mind. He's gone, but he's not gone." He felt too hot. The long sleeves of his shirt felt too hot. The collar beneath his chin felt too hot. His jeans felt too hot.

Everything.

He leaned his head against the cold glass of the window, trying to cool himself down. He was afraid that the pain would come and Krad would tear right out of his body.

A shuddering sigh came from Risa. "You know, it took me a long time to get over Dark," she said.

Satoshi closed his eyes. "That's not really something I want to hear," he said truthfully.

"No, I think you're wrong. This is something you'll want to hear."

He turned around and leaned his back against the window so he could face her. Risa's head lolled to the side of the cushion so her cheek lay against the soft fabric.

"When Dark disappeared, and my sister and I found out the truth about you and Daisuke, it broke my heart. To know that the man you love is gone forever and was, in reality, your sister's boyfriend is a little hard to accept. I cried for so long. I mourned Dark like he died. I wished, with my entire being, that he would come back again.

"My sister hated my behavior. One day she couldn't take it anymore and barged into my room and ripped up my only picture of Dark. We screamed at each other and fought for hours, and in the end we ended up sitting on my floor and just talking. She told me that all those memories and hardships were just demons that I had to fight through. They weren't good for me and they were only tearing me down from the inside."

Risa smiled and sat up straight.

"She told me that it wouldn't be easy. That it wasn't something I was meant to go through alone. Riku said that she would help me and that my friends would help me and that, one day, I'd find someone else to like. Someone who was real and who liked me back, and that he would help me too."

Satoshi continued to stare at her, his blank expression masking his unease and, dare he say, happiness?

Risa shrugged at him and flopped backward, lying on the sofa and out of sight. "I never thought it would be you, though."

Satoshi's blank mask fell.

"Why, thank you."

Risa's disembodied voice laughed. "Oh, come on. We hardly talked and were barely friends."

He shrugged and looked back out the window. "If it wasn't for that project we probably wouldn't be talking now. The only way we'd have even thought about each other was if we were forced into the same room repeatedly."

"Actually, no. That part isn't true."

Satoshi turned back around.

"What?"

"I said 'I never thought it would be you', not 'I never thought about you'." She sat up and looked at him. "Ever since I found out you were Krad I always thought about you; almost as much as I thought about Dark. Besides, all my friends were madly in love with you, so your name came up in our conversations a lot."

Satoshi wasn't sure he liked that bit of information. "I don't think I like that bit of information."

Risa jumped up from the sofa and walked over to him so that she, too, stood next to the window, looking up into his face. He was so much taller than her. "I never thought it would be you," she explained, "because you were on a different level than I was."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend. You live in a different world. I like crowds, you like solitude. I'm a B average student and you've already graduated college. I'm the Public Relations Commissioner of our student council and you're the Chief Commander of Police. Different levels." She nudged him with her foot and grinned. "You never acknowledged any of those love letters from all those girls, so I never thought someone like you would ever like someone like me."

Satoshi was caught of guard. She didn't think he'd like someone like her? The popular, social center of attention? The girl every girl wanted to be friends with and every guy had a crush on? The girl that was beautiful and friendly and could always be heard laughing?

He had always wondered what in the hell she could have seen in someone as dull as him.

"Risa, you're--,"

"Wait, I'm not done. When we became partners I was nervous. I never sent you love letters, but you were still _the _Satoshi Hiwatari. I walked into that library with my heart pounding. And now…

My demons of Dark were strong, and I thought it would take months and months before I'd be over him. He was a big part of my life. So it was practically a miracle when I found that whenever I spent time with you I never even thought about Dark. You didn't replace his memory…you would erase him. You made me forget about missing him. You made me not care." She wasn't smiling anymore, but looking out the window. "In the end it wasn't my sheer will that helped me through my demons. It was you. All of it was you."

It was snowing outside. Risa was watching the snow. Satoshi was watching her.

"I can help you too," she finally said, after a lengthy pause. She still didn't look at him. "If you need, you know. I can help."

After a moment Satoshi pushed off the windowsill and leaned towards her, brushing a light kiss against her cheek before walking past her. "You already are," he said quietly. He wasn't even sure she had heard him.

-------------------------

The rest of the day they spent sitting on the sofa, Satoshi drinking his tea while Risa read one of his favorite novels.

The television was silent.

Outside it continued to snow.


	7. Chapter 7

When Risa thought back to that Monday afternoon it made her smile.

Actually, the entire week that followed made her smile too.

After they had talked, and had spent the rest of the day just sitting in Satoshi's apartment in quiet and reading, they had left on better terms, with a long hug in his doorway. That, to Risa, had been the beginning of a very, very good week.

In the days that followed it seemed as if Satoshi couldn't keep his hands off of her, literally. He was always wrapping his arm around her or holding her hand or absently messing with her hair.

He was being affectionate, and cool, quiet Satoshi Hiwatari was not affectionate.

But they were never affectionate in public, where others could see. Satoshi didn't want people to see and neither did Risa. It was their business and no one else's.

Risa remembered on Tuesday, when she had stayed with him after school in the art room while he cleaned up. She had been standing at his painting, once again amazed at how talented he was, when she felt his hand on her waist.

"Could you stand over here for a second?" he had asked, guiding her backwards a little, with a mop in his other hand. He was staring at the floor and began cleaning up where she had been standing, but Risa couldn't help but smile.

The hand hadn't been necessary. It had never been necessary. In the weeks before he had asked her to move without coming within three feet of her.

On Thursday they had gone to the library so Satoshi could go over his police files and Risa could finish the book she had borrowed from him. They sat in the back, where people rarely went because of the huge, wordy tomes that lined the shelves, and collapsed side by side into one, large armchair. Risa had tucked herself into the crook of his arm and was halfway through chapter sixteen when she felt his absent fingers twisting a lock of her hair through his fingers.

When she looked at him he was still reading a lengthy file. He hadn't seemed to notice.

Friday evening Risa had gone to see a movie with Riku. When they stopped by a coffee shop afterward so Riku could get a hot cocoa they had run into Daisuke and Satoshi. They were just sitting at a table near the window, talking and drinking something warm.

Like friends. Like real friends.

Dai and Satoshi had stood up while they all said their 'hellos'. The shop was crowded and a man holding two scorching coffee cups came walking behind Risa and Riku. Risa hadn't noticed, but Satoshi had. He reached out, took her by the wrists and pulled her close, clearing the way for the man. When the way was clear again he held her near for longer than what was needed before releasing her again and letting her take a step back.

She had tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled up at him. He was looking at Daisuke and Riku. Daisuke and Riku were laughing about something and hadn't noticed a thing.

After a while the sisters had waved goodbye and Dai and Satoshi had gone back to their drinks.

All those little things…

They had been his way of saying the things that always needed hearing. It was his way of saying 'you matter to me', 'I want you around'…'I like you'. And he didn't once have to say a thing. She saw it and felt it.

In the hints that he left her.

In the hints that he gave her.

--------------------------

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Satoshi looked up from his paperwork.

He was sitting in the classroom alone. The rest of his classmates were in gym, running in the indoor track while it continued to snow outside. Satoshi had always been exempted from gym class because:

1.) He was a college graduate and was not required to take it for school credits.

2.) He was in peak physical condition save for his low blood pressure, which was out of his immediate control anyway.

3.) He was Chief Commander of Police and _the_ Satoshi Hiwatari, so he didn't have to if he didn't want to.

Which he didn't. So he often took refuge in the thankfully peaceful and empty classroom to read or go over any files from his office.

Today, however, someone had opted to disturb him. Some girl he could never remember meeting with black pigtails and a smug expression. She stood in the doorway of the classroom with cheeks flushed red from what could have been embarrassment, but by the sourness in her tone Satoshi doubted embarrassment could have been an answer.

"Pardon me?" he asked politely, frustrated with the interruption but still in a good enough mood to remain civil.

Black pigtails took a step into the room.

Satoshi's good mood began to waver.

"One of the Harada twins. The one with the long hair." She sat into one hip. "Is she your girlfriend?"

Satoshi stared at her, astounded by her lack of tact. He really didn't think it was any of her business.

"Why?" he asked, only because he wasn't sure what to say to her. From what Risa had described and from what he was gleaning from her tone, this was the same Black Pigtails that had tormented Risa in the girls' locker room.

Over him.

His good mood was rapidly fading.

Black pigtails didn't answer right away. She was staring at him so intensely, almost as if she were trying to soak up his image, his every detail, with her eyes. Like she'd never see him again. Her face was so concentrated, her hands tight fists at her sides. Satoshi couldn't remember feeling so uncomfortable in his life.

"She never sent you a letter," the girl finally said. "She never sent you anything. She doesn't really love you." The poor girl looked on the verge of tears.

But he just stared at her, the pen he had been holding still poised in front of him and file folder still clutched in his other hand. "I can take care of my own business," was all he said.

He did not intend to say anything more.

He did not say anything more.

Black pigtails knew this, bit her lip and then ran out the door.

Satoshi's good mood disappeared with her.

---------------------

He was on his way to the bathroom when he caught of glimpse of them outside.

Black pigtails and Risa.

It was freezing outside and Risa was only in her gym shorts and shirt. Pigtails had on a jacket. They were fighting and they were yelling.

The girl pushed Risa and she stumbled back a bit. But Risa didn't strike back.

She just turned around and walked back into the school.

Satoshi was already running to meet her.

-----------------------

"What do you want now?"

"We told you to stay away from him."

"You called me out here for that? It's freezing!"

"You can't have Hiwatari. You don't deserve him."

"You're like a broken record. Don't you have other things to occupy your time with? Something productive?"

"Don't talk down to me like you're better than I am! You're pathetic and you don't deserve anyone! I've seen the two of you together. I've watched you walking home together and I've seen you meeting him in the library!"

"So?"

"So you need to stop!"

"You're out here, whining, and you call me pathetic?"

"If you don't leave him alone you'll regret it."

"What are you doing to do, get rid of me?"

"…"

"You're ridiculous. He didn't like you before, he doesn't like you now, and even if I'm gone he still won't like you. You know nothing about him. You pretend you do but you don't because you don't really care. All you see is the face and the grades and nothing else."

"You don't know more about him than I do!"

"I know him better than anyone else! I actually care about him!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes, I do. Because _I _am is his girlfriend…not you."

It was the first time she had said it out loud. The first public recognition of the concept. The girl was so angry that she had actually pushed her, her face flushed from cold and anger and her shallow breathing.

Risa, shivering and bored, turned around and left her out in the snow.

------------------------

She ran into Satoshi in the entrance. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs. He had just gotten there.

He looked worried.

"Don't," she said, closing the door behind herself. "I took care of it. It was stupid."

It was the one request he would never allow her. He would always worry and she knew it.

"She shouldn't have--,"

"But she did. And she's wasting her time."

Risa looked at him and saw a strange look in his eyes. It took her awhile to figure out what it was, but when she did she was almost angry with him.

She marched right up to him and looked up into his face. He was even taller now, standing one step above her.

"Don't think that," she commanded, her voice hardened from irritation at being in the snow. "I'm not listening to them. They can't do anything to me, I don't need your protection and I'm not leaving you alone, even if you wanted me to." She pushed him lightly in the shoulder and started to walk away. "Now go back to the classroom. I'm going back to the gym and Miss Desperate out there can freeze to death."

And with that she walked away.

--------------------------

When the final bell for the end of classes tolled that day everyone gathered their things hastily so they could be the first ones to leave. The only two that didn't rush were Satoshi Hiwatari and Risa Harada.

They were in the art room together, standing at Satoshi's easel.

He was teaching her to paint.

So many girls gathered outside the closed door, peeking in through the window, whispering madly and shoving one another out of the way to get a better look.

Satoshi was standing behind Risa in front of the canvas, his hand on hers as he guided her brush strokes, speaking and explaining things quietly into her ear all the while. So innocent. So intimate. At one point Risa laughed and nearly dropped her pallet. Satoshi caught it and tried to hold her up. He wasn't laughing, but he was grinning. Actually grinning. Risa looked up at him by her shoulder and rose on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. He leaned attentively towards her, his face concentrated on her words and her words only.

One of the girls accidentally hit the door.

They both looked over towards the sound.

They saw all the girls in the window. Saw their wide, stunned eyes. Saw their horrified and surprised faces. Saw the jealousy and the anger and the shock and the confusion and the wonder.

And didn't care.

---------------------------

Since their conversation that last Monday afternoon it seemed as if a moment never went by when he couldn't feel Risa's touch.

When they walked she always was holding his hand. When he was standing he was always pleasantly surprised when her arms snaked up from behind him and pulled him into a hug. She was always staring at him, watching him. He had never before liked being the center of attention. He hated when people lingered on him for too long, hated when eyes followed him.

With Risa it was the first time he had wanted someone to look at him.

The first time he ever felt like showing off to impress a girl.

The first time he had been glad the attention was on him and not someone else.

She would tug on his shirt, fiddle with his glasses, mess with his collar. She would run her delicate hands through his hair, or poke him in the shoulder, or nudge him in the side.

He loved that she loved looking through his book collection or pulling out his paintings.

It was Risa saying 'you matter to me', 'I want you around'…'I like you'. And she never had to say it.

He enjoyed finding it.

In the hints that she left him.

In the hints that she gave him.

-----------------------

She was sick and tired of being picked on. Risa had never been bullied before and, now that it was actually happening, she did not like it one bit.

Yes, she was his girlfriend.

Yes, she had what every girl wanted.

Yes, she deserved it.

They didn't know him. They didn't know that he lived alone. They didn't know that he was adopted. They didn't know he was Chief of Police. They didn't know he had been Krad.

They had never tried to find out.

They had never asked about him before. The only thing they had ever asked was if he liked them or not. They didn't seem to care about what he wanted.

That's what she told them. All of them. She said every word, loud and clear for them to hear. She screamed it at them, yelled it into their faces because she was sick and tired of it all.

They all fought with her. They all screamed back. Just a bunch of girls in the hallway after gym, yelling in each others' faces. Risa told them Satoshi was her boyfriend, and nothing they could do would change that.

That was when Black Pigtails brought her palm smashing against the side of Risa's face, the crack of the slap silencing everyone in the hallway.

No one moved.

The other girls stood motionless behind their leader, too stunned for words. Black Pigtails glared hatred through her eyes, her hand still poised in the air. Risa hadn't reacted, her head still turned unceremoniously to the side, her hair thrown over her face, obscuring the darkening red mark on her cheek.

Still, no one moved.

Not even when the rest of the class filtered into the hallway and saw the scene. Not even when they all gasped and Riku ran to her sister, seeing the red mark and abruptly whirling on her heel and bringing her hand down on Black Pigtails and failing to keep her fingers uncurled, as was feminine propriety, and instead colliding her fist into the girl's head. Even when Daisuke ran forward to restrain Riku as she yelled at the girls and Black Pigtails, who was sprawled on the floor, Risa didn't move. Not even when the teachers heard the raucous and ran into the hall. Not even when all the girls, plus Daisuke, were gathered together and escorted to the vice-principle's office.

The entire time she never raised her head, never said a word, never reached to swipe the hair from her face. Even as she sat outside the vice-principle's door next to her sister and Daisuke she kept her eyes on the floor. Even as she listened as the other girls were lectured behind the door.

"Risa…?"

Riku turned to her sister and reached out to take her hand. She sounded so worried. She leaned forward and moved Risa's hair aside, staring into her face. Risa finally raised her eyes to meet her sister's, allowing her beloved twin to finally see the smile that she had been wearing all along.

Riku was surprised to see her smiling.

"Risa…why are you--,"

"I'm a little mad at you," she said quietly, so only Riku could hear her. "Because I was planning to punch her, too. Of course, you do have a stronger left hook."

Riku stared at her for a moment before the two burst out into laughter. Not hysterics or nervous giggles, but full-blown laughter. The kind of laughter friends share at 3:00 am in the morning, when everything is funny, when breathing seems impossible through the laughing. It was the kind of laughter that could make people jealous because they weren't a part of such a hilarious joke. The kind of laughter between friends. The kind of laughter between sisters.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there earlier," Riku finally said, once her hilarity died down. She reached over and pulled her sister into a hug. Risa hugged back. "You should have brought me along. It was an unfair number."

"It's not a big deal. I don't care about any of it, and she barely hurt me."

Riku let her go and held her at arm's length. "I recognized them. They're the ones that are always stalking Hiwatari, aren't they?"

Risa nodded.

"Was that what the fight was about?"

She nodded again. Riku sighed.

"Oh, Risa."

"Don't tell him," she said, pointing at her sister and then looking past her shoulder to Daisuke on the other side. He caught her attention and held his hands up in surrender. "Don't say a word about any of this."

"I won't," Riku promised. She elbowed Dai in the ribs.

"I won't either," he sputtered. Risa nodded.

"Good."


	8. Chapter 8

Risa waited for her sister after school. She had gotten in trouble for the fight. Risa had been only a victim whereas Riku had issued an attack.

One that had left a nasty shiner on Black Pigtails.

She waited near the front doors, watching it snow outside. It was snowing an awful lot this year. Thankfully she was out of her freezing gym uniform and back into her winter uniform, her scarf wrapped protectively around her neck and her fingers kept warm in her gloves. She dropped her bag on the ground, too tired to hold it any longer. She checked the clock on the wall.

Four o'clock.

Daisuke had said he would wait for Riku outside of the office, so Risa was by herself at the front of the school.

She hadn't seen Satoshi yet.

And she didn't want to. She didn't want him to know about what had happened. It was embarrassing, and she didn't want him to know that there had been another fight on his behalf. Knowing his personality he would bring the weight of the situation off of her shoulders and onto his, and she didn't want him to do that. He was already busy as it was.

Someone was walking down the hall towards the front door.

Risa looked up and saw Black Pigtails round the corner, the collar of her coat drawn up around her chin and her bangs strategically hanging over her black eye. She saw Risa and Risa saw her.

They stared at each other for a long time.

Then she dropped her eyes and left through the front doors.

Risa let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It was a relief to see her turn her back for once, but Risa very much doubted that that would be the last of it.

More footsteps were coming down the hall. Risa hoped it was Riku and Daisuke.

It wasn't.

It was Satoshi.

He was shrugging on his coat, his bag dangling from his elbow as he adjusted his collar. He looked up as he came into the entryway and saw Risa standing there. He stopped walking.

Risa waited, her chest tightening.

He grinned sweetly at her, walking over and hoisting his bag onto his shoulder.

Risa's chest released.

He didn't know.

"I thought you weren't going to wait for me today," he said. Some days Satoshi stayed behind to linger in the art room. Some days Risa waited for him. Some days Risa didn't wait for him. Today was not a day for waiting.

"Riku was—I'm just waiting for her." She let out a quick breath and smiled up at him, pretending to forget about what had happened. It was easier then she thought.

Everything seemed easier when he was around.

Risa reached up and moved the hair out of his eyes. She didn't like it when she couldn't see his eyes. "Where are you headed to now?"

Satoshi stared down at her. He placed his hand on the wall next to her head and leaned against his arm, almost looming right over her. But Satoshi didn't loom. He wasn't arrogant.

"Are you okay?" he asked, not answering her question.

She nodded. "Yeah. Fine."

His face darkened. "Are you sure?' She nodded and quickly bent down to retrieve her bag.

"Yes, but I have to go. Sorry." She took his face in her hands and rose upward to kiss him fleetingly. But when she pulled way she paused and stared at him, suddenly surprised. She hadn't realized she hadn't kissed him all week, and the sudden feel of him was pleasantly potent, emboldened by days of absence. He looked to be just as pleasantly surprised as he.

Which led her to lean in for a much longer, more satisfying farewell before she finally forced herself to break away and find Riku.

"Come by the house later," she called over her shoulder, running down the hall. When she glanced back she was able to just barely catch him waving at her.

------------------------------

Riku had gone to Daisuke's at Risa's suggestion. She just wanted to be alone with Satoshi. She had the sudden urge to just be alone with him.

Such was her urge that when he knocked on her door thirty minutes after Riku left, Risa yanked forcibly on the handle, grabbed Satoshi by his collar and pulled him through the doorway, his face crashing down to hers.

She missed him more than she thought.

------------------------------

When she finally released him Satoshi was flustered and dazed, somewhat disoriented from her unorthodox greeting. He only stared down at her for a long time before she finally suggested that he take off his coat and have tea.

He did so as she sauntered into the kitchen, her long hair swishing along her back. He thought deeply as he hung his coat and scarf near the door.

He wasn't sure if he was favorable to it.

Not because it was horribly unpleasant, but because it was usually a harbinger of something none too favorable.

He followed her into the kitchen and was, again, amazed by how large her home was and how empty it continually remained. His was a similar situation, of course, but he'd never thought it could apply to someone like Risa.

He leaned his back against the low counter as she made them green tea, a sweet relief from the bitter cold outside the windows. When she went to the cupboard to get them mugs they were too high out of her reach.

"Do you want me to help you?"

She strained on the tips of her toes, unfazed by the effort. "No, I'm fine."

Sure enough, she was.

-----------------------------------

They ended up laughing about something.

They had been sitting in the living room, a movie playing on the television that neither of them were paying attention to, and somehow they had been talking about something and the something became someone and the someone had done something very hilarious and it was only moments before Risa was laughing so hard that her stomach hurt and Satoshi was smiling, actually smiling, as he tried to hide his mirth behind him mug.

The laughing died away to giggles and the giggles to smirks, and soon they trying very hard to compose themselves because it had been quite some time now and they couldn't remember what it was that was so funny.

The movie ended, and then there wasn't even any noise to underscore their conversation.

Risa put her mug down on the table and walked over the stereo system, searching for music that would fill the huge house.

"What do you want to listen to?" Risa asked, her back to where Satoshi was sitting. He didn't answer. "Come on. You have to listen to some kind of music--." When she turned around her wasn't there.

Piano chords began to drift to Risa from the parlor room across the hall, and she left the stereo behind to follow their music.

Precise and practiced.

Someone who had obviously played the piano before.

When she walked into the parlor he was sitting at the beautiful, black Grand Piano that her mother had insisted on having. Riku didn't have the time to learn to play the instrument and Risa didn't exactly have the patience. Neither of their parents were ever home, so the great thing was usually left untouched.

Now it came alive in beautiful, simply harmony, Satoshi sitting, straight back, at the bench as his deft fingers passed over the ebony and ivory keys, playing a simple ballad.

Risa, delightfully intrigued, stood behind him and listened. When he finished he looked up at her over his shoulder, blank face and humble.

"Did it meet your approval?" he asked politely. She smiled and nodded.

"Yeah."

-------------------------------

It seemed that Satoshi also knew how to dance.

Long into the afternoon they danced in the parlor to an old record of Risa's mother's. He taught her all the old European dances that one saw in movies in ballrooms. He taught her the Venetian Waltz and the Smooth Waltz and the Minuet. He was patient with her and was a strong frame, supporting her back where he was supposed to and holding her hand delicately in his own. Soon they were gliding along the carpet in smooth turns and sways. It became natural to respond to the gentle push of his hand or the subtle twist of his wrist.

She was so excited. She could actually dance.

"Where did you learn to be so cultural?" she half joked as he gently dipped her. He raised an eyebrow at her inquiring eye and she remembered that she had to look over her right shoulder. She corrected it.

"This was my life," he replied, pulling back and guiding her under his arm in a triplet. "This was what I was taught to do."

She laughed. "You're amazing."

He tugged on her arm, whirled her back into his arms and kissed her sweetly. When he pulled away nothing had changed in his face. To an outsider he would have looked detached. To those who mattered they'd know that he saw nothing but Risa. "I know," was his serious reply. He kissed her again, longer this time, cradling her head, arching backward as he loomed over her with his height.

But he never really loomed.

--------------------------

That night, as Satoshi slept, he dreamed of all the horrible things he had done when Krad had taken over.

When day broke he didn't wake up.


	9. Chapter 9

Those hints that he never paid attention to…

The ones that he felt when he saw Risa, or touched her, or kissed her…

The hints that he saw when he was sleeping, or felt when he was walking…

The ones that made him tired in the afternoons or made him dizzy in the morning…

Were the hints that wouldn't let him go in the morning, and that kept him bedridden when he should have been awake.

--------------------------

It was nearly three days before anyone found him.

--------------------------

Risa sat in the waiting room of the hospital's third floor, twiddling her thumbs and staring dazedly at her shoes. Her book bag leaned against her leg and her coat and scarf were thrown unceremoniously along the chairs next to her. Behind her Daisuke was lounging in a seat near the wall and Riku was off standing in front of the juice machine, staring lazily at the choices offered to her. Satoshi's chauffeur, whom Risa remembered seeing only fleetingly when Satoshi was rarely picked up in his black car from school, was talking to the receptionist about the situation.

They were all waiting to hear the news.

Because Satoshi just couldn't seem to open his eyes.

The chauffeur had found him in his apartment after a three day hiatus, sound asleep in his bed, pale-faced and too deep of breath. He had rushed him to the hospital and, because he knew his father would not come unless his son was in critical condition and, because he knew Risa, Daisuke and Riku to be Satoshi's closest friends, the chauffeur had contacted them immediately. After school the three had rushed down to the hospital only to find that Satoshi was in testing and that it would be a while before anyone could see him.

"Hey."

Risa looked up to see Daisuke standing next to her. "Hey," she said in reply, and then said no more. She didn't much feel like talking.

The redhead nodded and sat down in the chair next to her, slumping down unattractively. "Did you know?" he asked in a low voice. Risa shook her head.

"No. I didn't. He seemed fine whenever I saw him. I never would have thought he was so sick."

Dai sighed. "Same here. He seemed better than before, you know? Not like when--,"

"Yeah," Risa cut him off. "I know." She glanced sidelong at him. "Do you feel sick? Or, I don't know, empty?"

Dai shrugged. "No. I mean, it's different. But not in a bad way. It doesn't make me sick."

Risa felt guilty. "I should have noticed. I was so absorbed in everything that was happening in my life that I didn't notice."

"No one noticed. He's used to hiding things. He probably didn't mean to hide it, but it's in his nature."

_But this is dangerous_, Risa thought. _This is different than hiding emotions_.

Riku joined them bearing drinks for all. She tossed one to Daisuke and then sat on the other side of her sister, offering a juice box that Risa refused.

"You haven't eaten or drank anything since breakfast," her sister said. "We need one less person getting sick."

Risa took the juice box.

------------------------------

_It wasn't just his blood sugar this time. And it wasn't just his weak immune system either. It was more._

_Because when something as powerful as a fallen angel, whose magic consumes and whose hatred ignites, suddenly leaves their vessel behind to fend for itself, the consequences that follow won't be simple._

_It was different with Dark. That had been a symbiotic relationship. They had coexisted with each other._

_It was different with Krad. That had been a parasitical relationship. They had tried to kill each other._

_And now, with the magic gone, his body was breaking down, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally—_

_It was a slow process. His body was very slowly growing weaker as the magic it had been feeding on became painfully absent. It had been months since Krad's leaving, and the effects were only taking hold now._

_It was more than he could take._

_And it was more than his Sacred Maiden could fix._

---------------------------------

The chauffeur approached the three friends and they looked up simultaneously.

"He's awake," he told them. "We can see him now."

--------------------------------

It was horrible.

There were tubes and wires that hooked him up to machines. An IV drip hung next to the head of his bed and his face was a sickly grey. His glasses were folded on the table beside his bed and, even though he was awake, his eyes were unfocused and unseeing, heavily lidded, as if he were ready to fall asleep again.

Daisuke could barely move. Riku could barely move. Risa was already at his side.

--------------------------------

"He's not going to die."

Everyone let out a breath of relief. The chauffeur's announcement was not only good news to Risa, Riku and Daisuke, but to Emiko, Daiki, Towa and Kosuke, who had arrived when they found out where Dai had been.

"The doctors tell me that he is very sick, that his body is very weak, but he won't die. Nothing is getting worse, just--," He searched for the word. "Less."

"His spirit as well," Towa added, averting all eyes to her. "I've already tried searching for him, even though his eyes are open, but it's weird. His spirit is weak. His mind is weak. His heart is weak." She looked saddened. "He's so _tired_."

"But why?" It was Daisuke's question. It was Emiko who answered.

"It was Krad," she said simply. "He used up his resource and then left. Now Hiwatari is living off what is left, and it's not very much."

"Then how does anyone help him?" It was Riku's question. It was Emiko who answered.

"We can't. He has to do it on his own. He has to fight through and learn to build back what he has lost. The thing is, with a spirit so drained and tired as his, I don't know if that's possible. The most anyone can do is give him support and strength. Doesn't he have any family that could come and help him?" It was Emiko's question. It was Risa who answered.

"No," she said, sitting next to the bed, not touching anything. "Only a father, and he won't come. There's no other family."

---------------------------------

He had been awake but he hadn't been conscious.

Not, at least, until it was so late in the afternoon that it was twilight. The sun was setting. The world was bathed in gold.

Daisuke had fallen asleep in a chair against the far wall. Riku had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Risa had fallen asleep in her chair next to the bed. The chauffeur was gone, probably to get coffee in the cafeteria.

Satoshi looked at them all, surprised that they were there.

He tried to move his arm but couldn't. It seemed too heavy, and there were tubes everywhere. Tubes made him uncomfortable.

Next to him Risa stirred. He turned to watch her.

Her eyes opened.

--------------------------------

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"You've been asleep for over three days."

"I feel like I haven't slept in ages."

"They told us you're very sick."

"I had guessed."

"They said it'll be hard for you to get better."

"I had guessed."

"They said you're sick because of Krad."

"I had guessed."

----------------------------------------

Risa folded her arms on the edge of his bed and rested her head on them, staring into his eyes. He met her gaze directly. Neither looked away.

"Why didn't you tell any of us?" she asked.

"I didn't really know myself. I hadn't noticed."

Risa unfolded one of her hands and touched his arm, her fingers maneuvering around the tubes. Satoshi stared at her hand.

"What are you doing," he asked. She shrugged.

"Just making sure you're real."

"I'm real."

"I know." She sighed. "That's what makes me so sad."

--------------------------------------

He was released two days later. Risa went to his apartment after school by herself to check up on him.

She had told him before that she would, so the chauffeur had left a key above the door so he wouldn't have to get up and answer to her knock.

When she came in she saw him lying on his sofa, reading, his feet propped on the armrest, a pillow beneath his head, tea waiting on the side table. He looked better, but not fully recovered.

"Hey," she said, closing the door behind her. He looked up.

"Hi."

She held up a plastic bag. "I brought you something to eat."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

She walked up to him on her way to the kitchen and reached down to feel his forehead. He was cold.

"You okay?" she asked, walking into the kitchen.

"No," was the quiet reply.

--------------------------------

He fell asleep only minutes after she arrived.

The doctors had said he'd be tired.

She watched him sleep. Not creepily, like some girls probably would have done, hovering over him and analyzing his features. She just stood in the kitchen and watched him over the counter, making sure his foot didn't slip from the armrest, or his head didn't loll off the side of the sofa.

When the head was lower than the feet it caused nightmares. She remembered reading that in her psychic books.

Then again, so did things like Krad, and there wasn't much she could do to stop that.

Risa sighed and laid her forehead against the cold tiles of the counter. From what Satoshi had said she was his Sacred Maiden, the key to freeing him from the clutches of Krad. But not even she was strong enough to save him, and it made her feel useless.

---------------------------------

She waited for him to wake up.

To have Satoshi wake up to loneliness was cruel.

His eyes opened just the slightest bit. She was sitting on the floor next to his head, reading the book he had fallen asleep with. She looked up when she felt him stir. She smiled warmly.

"Hey. You've been out for a while."

He sighed sleepily, deeply. For some reason it made Risa blush. "I feel like all I've been doing is sleeping."

"You need it." She reached up and brushed the hair from his heavy-lidded gaze. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

She got to her feet, kissed him sweetly on his forehead and grabbed her things to leave. She waved at him through the door and closed it, placing the key above the doorjamb for the next day. She turned to leave…

…and couldn't help the tears welling up in her eyes.

But she swiped at them furiously, hating herself. She had no right to cry. Satoshi was the one in trouble, and she had to help him.

Because so many wouldn't.

---------------------------------

At school the next day Black Pigtails and her infamous group of friends finally struck back.

And Risa Harada was sick and tired of them.

By the time her sister, Daisuke, her classmates and a teacher arrived in the girl's locker room, the girls were crowding around Black Pigtails in the corner, all of them crying, no one apparently hurt. The teacher was furious, her classmates were appalled, Daisuke was speechless and Riku was laughing harder than what was terribly appropriate.

Because Risa was standing in the middle of the room.

Scissors in one hand.

One of Black Pigtails's pigtails in the other.

------------------------------------

Risa got detention after school for an entire month as opposed to suspension. And she was required to make a public apology to the girl she had harmed, along with an apology to her family, as opposed to expulsion.

But that didn't change the fact that there was one girl walking around with uneven hair.

And so everything was just fine with Risa.

------------------------------------

Satoshi remembered when he had first explained his situation to Daisuke. That Krad didn't appear when he felt any sort of intimate feeling for someone. When he had told him that Krad fed on his anger and loneliness he had seemed nearly appalled.

Wasn't it painful?

Wasn't it excruciating?

Didn't it tear him apart?

Yes.

It always did.

So when it was finally over, and Krad was finally locked away, the burdened had been lifted.

And then here came Risa.

A girl who knew his past and still wanted to stand at his side.

But she wasn't enough.

He hated that part.

When was his suffering going to be enough to stop it all?

-------------------------------------

It wasn't until Sunday when Risa had time to visit Satoshi. Riku and Daisuke had gone to check on him, including Towa, at times. But Risa had been held in detention all week, so she hadn't been able to go.

On Sunday she went as soon as she could.

The key was right where everyone had left it, at the top of the doorjamb. She snatched it off, unlocked the door and hung her coat and scarf by the door. It was freezing outside.

"Satoshi?" The front room was empty. Through a slit in the curtains the white snow made the winter sun blinding. "Satoshi?"

"Risa?"

It was coming from the hallway. Risa hurried towards his voice, finding him standing in his bedroom in only his trousers, a towel slung around his shoulders, his hair wet. He'd just gotten out of the shower.

He looked surprised, but a good surprised. "I didn't know you were coming," he said. He sounded better. His voice was still too soft, but it was more solid.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, running up to him. "It's too cold to be walking around like that!"

"I was getting dressed when you called my name," he tried to defend. She didn't listen. She threw his towel aside, pulled out one of his black, long-sleeved shirts from the closet and forced it over his head.

"No excuses," she mumbled, tugging the shirt down around him. He stared down at her, his face blank, his eyes amused. The shirt seemed to hang on him differently. He was getting thinner.

Risa tugged on the hem of his shirt and pulled him close, burying her face into his chest. He smelled of soap and fresh linen. She loved the scent.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"Are you sure?" She lifted her head to look up at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Risa rose up on her toes and kissed him deeply. He returned the kiss, tired but passionate all the same. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He embraced her in his arms. Outside the snow fell. Inside the cold was forgotten.


	10. Chapter 10

Risa sat on the edge of his bed, gazing down at his sleeping form. His hair was tousled around his face, his complexion was pasty, the black sleeves of his shirt were pulled over his thin wrists and the seams dripped heavily from his thinning body. His cotton trousers were bunched around his calves from his sleeping movement and his bare feet were tucked beneath a sweater that hung off the foot of the bed.

He was laying on his back, one hand resting on his stomach, the other over his chest, almost as if he were limply trying to hug the warmth into his body.

Risa looked around and found her hair ribbon on the floor. It had come loose when he had kissed her, his fingers combing through every strand of her hair as if he couldn't touch it enough. She smiled weakly. He had kissed her, sat on the bed and held her in silence until his fatigue wore him thin and he had laid down to sleep.

She started to reach to pick it up, stopped and then recoiled back. She'd leave it where it had fallen.

She looked back at him.

Was this the boy that everyone swooned over in class? The boy all the girls wished for and the boy all the other boys wished to be? Was this the genius of their school, the one who had already graduated from college, who was Chief Commander of Police and heir to an ancient surname?

This ghost of a boy…

She reached over and traced his jaw line with her finger. He had more faults than assets, more troubles than luxuries. He was essentially one problem following another, whether they were problems of his own accord or else issued by outsiders. He was work, hard work. And the work that he required was draining on Risa's end. She was not only physically tired but mentally as well. She was drained from having to deal with the girls at school, drained from their differences that were all too obvious at the beginning of the relationship, drained from worrying about him in the hospital and being angry at him for slamming her hand against the fence. Boyfriends weren't supposed to lie in their apartments sick and weak, unable to get up and outside with no clear sign of ever getting better. But Risa's boyfriend was, and it was draining her.

She slumped in her seat, her hand gently cupping his face.

"But I'd rather be drained and as weak as you are than walk away," she said out loud, keeping her words to a gentle vibration. "I'd rather be drained and never leave this room if it meant staying right here."

Satoshi inhaled deeply and opened his eyes as he exhaled, waking to her voice. "What?" he breathed. "Risa, did you say something?" He focused his glasses-free vision on her face and noted the seriousness and solemnity. He reached up and touched the hand on his cheek. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "No," she replied. No dramatic tears. No saddening violin to underscore the moment. It was just the simple truth: no, she was not okay.

"What's wrong?"

She blinked. "I said something to you before, a while back actually, but you were asleep, so I don't think you heard me."

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No, you don't have to be. I knew you were sleep. I said it while you were asleep with the intention for you not to hear." She nudged him slightly in the side and he scooted over on the bed, giving her room so that she could lay down next to him, her head sharing his pillow, her long hair fanning out across his sheets. He turned his head so he could see her face. "But now I think I have to repeat it, while you're awake."

"I don't think I'm fully awake. I'm still a little groggy." He said it solemnly but lightly, his indication that he was playing. She smiled briefly.

"That's all right. I still want to tell you now."

"Okay."

Risa shifted slightly on the bed. "I'm falling in love with you," she said.

For a long time after that a silence followed. Satoshi stared at Risa and Risa stared back, and her words hung in the air, heavy and potent and powerful. Risa blinked once, twice, thrice and still he said nothing. At one point Risa broke their eye contact and glanced towards the window, at the snow outside. When she looked back she found that he hadn't moved, and was still looking at her with the azure stare he was so well-known for. Then, suddenly, he reached over and tapped her on the nose with one finger, a very un-Satoshi-like thing to do.

"You act too quickly on things," he told her quietly, almost sadly. No, definitely sadly. "You don't take the time to think extensively over your thoughts before you relay them."

A shadow began to swell inside Risa's chest but she did a very good job of keeping it off her face. She forced the unwanted tears to stay away from her eyes, and she was surprised that they obeyed. She had become stronger. "That's just the way I am, I guess."

"I know." He turned back to the ceiling and threw his arm over his eyes, his next words muffling themselves as they caught on the fabric of his sleeve. "After you yelled at me for not kissing you I promised myself that I'd make it a point to do things first. You made me feel like a coward back then, and I was angry that a girl had made me look and seem so inferior." He sighed. "I really didn't want you to say it first. I wanted to be the first one to say 'I love you'." He lowered his hand and glanced sidelong at her. "I just didn't want to say it too soon."

The shadow immediately dissipated from Risa's chest and she smiled broadly. She scooted closer to him and rose up on one elbow, kissing him sweetly—passionately—with a smile on her face. When she pulled away her hair played across his skin.

"That's you're problem then," she told him. "You still think too much."

"That's just the way I am, I guess." He snaked his hands into her hair and pulled her down to him once more, this time initiating the action. When they released he wasted no more time. "I love you, Risa. In my time I never really knew what love was, but if I always want to see your face or hear your voice or desire your approval or your attention or require your presence or miss your smile or wonder about your thoughts or worry about your well-being…then I supposed that the only explanation for any of that is that I love you."

She smiled. No one could say that they'd gotten such a speech from Satoshi. No one could say that they'd ever heard that many words come out of his mouth. And not only that, but they were beautiful words. Words that Risa didn't know were so good to hear.

She rested her forehead against his. He was such a handsome boy, and so intelligent. And he was so troubled, and so melancholy. He was perfect.

"I love you," he repeated, although this time is was hardly audible, so much so that she almost didn't hear it. She smiled.

"Yeah, I know. I love you too."

--------------------------------

He really didn't know what he was doing.

He was standing in the middle of his room, pretty little Risa Harada asleep on his bed behind him, a blank canvas on an easel in front of him, a pallet in one hand and a brush in the other. Outside the snow had lessened and then stopped.

He had never stopped painting. He painted all the time at school and even at home, when he was finishing projects. But that was was it: he only painted projects. He did assignments and special artworks for school or else museums, but it had been eons since he had painted simply for himself.

He stared at the expanse of white for a long time, trying to envision what he wanted to create, like all the stupid art teachers had told him too. Back then he had humored them, giving them a rough outline of his process and pretending to see the painting that was 'already there'.

In truth, however, he never ever thought about what it was that he was painting or sculpting or drawing. It was like meditating: he just stood there and thought of absolutely nothing and in three hours the canvas was covered from edge to edge in vibrant color.

Satoshi picked up a tube of oil paint and started to squeeze out the bright blue pigment…

…and almost immediately his mind was in another place, where he wasn't looking, just seeing, and his hands worked on their own.

There was a word he used for times like these, with his girlfriend dozing quietly behind him, the canvas awaiting before him and the winter weather surrounding him from the outside:

Peace.

------------------------------

Risa woke up to the faint sound of soft scratching, the rhythmic din coaxing her eyes open. She sighed and blinked away her fatigue, rubbing the sleep from her lids. Satoshi's room came into focus and she turned her head to find him standing in the middle of the room, his back to her, his body blocking the canvas that rested on the easel he had set up.

Risa had seen him paint before, but in those times, although his strokes were brilliant, he had seemed tense and under strain. Now she could see that his shoulders were lax and his posture was at ease, his arm moving independently of his laidback demeanor, the bristles of his brush scraping softly against the canvas. Her eyes combed his appearance and she smiled when she looked at his hair. He had a cowlick.

Quietly as she could, Risa rose from the bed and crept up behind him, grinning mischievously as she peered around him. But when she saw what he was working on the smile dropped from her face and she gasped out loud. Her breath startled Satoshi and he jumped slightly, his brush immediately retreating from the canvas as he turned towards her. He relaxed when he saw who it was and asked her if she had slept well and if he had woken her, but Risa didn't answer him. She was too enthralled by his painting; hypnotized by it.

He had created a self-portrait, detailing it down to every fine strand of his own hair. She was caught by the striking resemblance and definite accuracy. He wore exactly what he was wearing now, and every highlight and wrinkle was emphasized in gleaming oil paint.

But the most profound factor of the artwork came from the most unexpected addition to his appearance, the factor that made it true art rather than a middle school fair entry.

White, vibrant white, wings protruded from his back, extending twice the image's height to the point of burdening the painted Satoshi. But they didn't seem to burden him. They seemed a part of him, a simple extension of his actual being, splayed about the canvas in a flurry of soft purity. The hue of the wings was surreal, the dimensions and layers of color making them seem to pop right out of the picture, to the point where she was sure they were moving and flapping in the wind. It was a breathtaking sight. Completely angelic. A winged Satoshi Hiwatari. A winged Satoshi Hikari.

"I didn't even know what I was painting," she heard him say quietly. She turned to look at him and saw that he was staring at the canvas, his painting hand hanging limply at his side. "I don't really pay attention to what happens…I just paint what comes to me."

"It's beautiful," Risa breathed. She took a step towards it, leaning in as close as she possibly could. "It's gorgeous. It's like nothing I've ever seen before." She smiled faintly. "You painted yourself…with Krad's wings."

"Yeah. I did."

She looked back at him. "His wings fit you. They look right. They look like they fit."

He nodded blandly but sincerely. "Yeah. They do."

"So what does this mean?"

Satoshi didn't say anything.

"Does this mean he's still alive inside of you?"

Satoshi didn't say anything.

"Does this mean he really is gone forever?"

Satoshi still didn't say anything.

Risa straightened up and surveyed the artwork. "Or maybe this means that you've accepted Krad into who you are and have come to terms with the fact that, although he was a being centered around pain and hatred and power, he was still a significant face of your existence, someone that was still important." She stepped back so that she was standing at his side. "Maybe this means you've finally accepted what all the little hints have alluded to."

He frowned slightly, tilting his head to the side. "Then why did I paint that?"

He pointed to the hand of his double and Risa squinted at the area. She had barely even noticed, but the painted Satoshi was holding a tiny pink ribbon in his right hand, clasped so tightly in his fingers that only a small edge of the pink was visible. Nonetheless, it was unmistakably the same ribbon Risa always wore.

"That's mine." She was flattered, but confused. "Why did you paint my ribbon?"

"Because only my Sacred Maiden can set that side of me free."

-----------------------------------

He was feeling better. Actually feeling better.

It wasn't a figment of his imagination or a simple lightening of his mood. He was feeling _better._

His chest didn't seem so heavy, his muscles felt less taut. His head didn't hurt. It was easier to breathe. His stomach was settled. He blinked. He hadn't felt so light in days, in weeks, in months.

In short, he was _healing_.

"Satoshi?" Risa was looking up at him, her wide eyes curious about his silence. She gently took the brush and palette from his hands and set them on the floor next to the painting. "Are you okay?"

"What?"

So…

It was not asking for his suffering as payment for relief. It was not asking for pain.

It was asking for happiness as the catalyst for regeneration. It was asking for him to let go of his pain and heartache and embrace the new life he had been granted. Too long he had wallowed in the misery that had been his existence. And for too long he had waited for the sadness to be compensated for. He had clung to his past in hopes to have every wrongdoing avenged.

Risa was frowning. "Satoshi, are you sure you're okay?"

He stared off into his own world, contemplating her question for a long time before he finally nodded. He thought of her presence next to his, still so potent even though they weren't even touching. He thought of seeing her face in his doorframe so early in the morning, or opening is eyes to her sitting figure next to the hospital bed. He thought of how she had smiled while she ate her croissant and dropped crumbs onto his notebook in the library.

Then he thought of Krad, imagined his face so vividly in his mind's eye, but it was almost immediately washed out by every memory he had made with Risa.

She outweighed him. She was more important.

He looked her directly in the eyes, nothing connecting them but their gazes. There was six inches between them, and still she burned against his skin and his heart.

"Yeah," he replied, finally able to answer her question with a solid truth. He could almost feel himself begin to heal; could finally feel the relaxation that came when the burden was truly lifted. "I really am."

She smiled, blinking. "Good. As long as you're okay…."

He thought of how he had always wondered if he should have changed for her. Now, he realized, she wasn't making him change who and what he was…she was only helping him to evolve from the person he was now to a better Satoshi for the future.

She already loved the real Satoshi. So now he wanted to perfect being Satoshi just for her. He wanted to see how much he could improve himself for her.

Dramatic as the thought may seem, he had found someone to live for.

"I think I'll be okay for a long time. In fact, I think I'll be getting better and better each day."

"Really?"

"Really."

He leaned down as if to kiss her. She closed her eyes automatically, but he stopped just short of her lips, his face hovering not but half a centimeter from hers. He studied her from the close proximity, gazed down at every curve and shadow of her face. Risa opened her and blushed when she found him staring at her, her gaze nearly drowning in his.

"What are you--,"

"Let's go back to the park today," he told her.

"But it's freezing outside. There's five inches of snow."

"I don't care."

She laughed lightly and unconsciously stepped away, but Satoshi followed, keeping the same distance between them. "You're going to make us sick."

"We'll dress warmly."

She laughed again, this time from his breath tickling her cheek. "Fine, all right. Whatever you want."

With that, Satoshi closed the distance and kissed her, a kiss reminiscent of their first, with all the more electricity shooting between them, around them, within them.

It wasn't the start of a new beginning.

Only the continuation of one that had already begun.

_FIN._


End file.
